Toxic
by Empty Pen09
Summary: A decade ago Quinn Fabray walked away from everything. Her friends, her family, and her girlfriend Rachel Berry. Now a successful doctor she comes face to face with the girl she left behind and the consequences of leaving without saying goodbye. Future Fic. Warning* Unhealthy relationship alert!
1. Chapter 1

Now: The Reunion

Dr. Marcus Tanner pushed his glasses up on his nose and crossed his legs, his brown corduroy pants swishing as he did so. He was wearing a blue shirt, starched stiff, under a brown sweater vest. Quinn Fabray thought he looked like a complete idiot with a ten dollar haircut but experience had taught her to keep such things to herself.

"We agreed that if you had to miss a session you'd inform me as soon as possible. I know you're busy and I understand more than most that sometimes you have to cancel. Things come up. Especially in a hospital. Still, you owe me a phone call as soon as you get a free moment. The hospital accepted you into the program under the condition that you adhere strictly to the rules outlined. You're only a few months away from putting all of this behind you and your behavior has been exemplary but you're not finished yet. Rules, Dr. Fabray. Structure. They're your best friends remember?"

Quinn fought back the urge to roll her eyes but she knew Dr. Tanner was right. She was being irresponsible. She'd purposely blown off calling him just to spite him. The last time she'd spoken with him he'd pressed the issue of her father. The 'chat' had rubbed her the wrong way and on the day of their next scheduled visit she'd weaseled her way into operating on a Subarachnoid hemorrhage. She didn't consider herself lucky that a woman had come in with a bleeding brain but being in the operating room meant she could skip her mandatory therapy session.

"I'm sorry. It was inconsiderate and it'll never happen again," she meant it when she said it but deep down she realized it was likely a lie. Even a subconscious lie still counted as a lie. All these years of therapy had taught her that.

To his credit Dr. Tanner didn't call bullshit. He scribbled something in his pad and adjusted his glasses for seemingly the hundredth time and gave her the curious look that she'd come to loathe. As much as she hated shrinks Quinn didn't doubt Dr. Tanner's effectiveness, the guy knew his stuff. He'd talked her into sharing her feelings a couple dozen times and with the exception of the few instances where he brought up Russell she didn't mind speaking with him once a week.

"So, tell me about New York. We were talking about why you left and didn't return. Tell me about that."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Quinn. Quinn. Did you see the size of that guy in the lobby? He was like ten feet tall." Dr. Gail Benson was Quinn's best friend in the hospital and the only other doctor from her intern class who hadn't burned out of the program. Out of six aspiring surgeons Quinn and Gail were the only two that hadn't washed out or gotten fired. Gail was finishing up a fellowship in Maternal-Fetal medicine and was only a few months away from starting a job in Los Angeles making upwards of 350K. She was simply cooling her jets until she was out of here. These days she was making her interns do most of her work.

"He was seven four," Quinn said, not bothering to look up from her pile of medical files.

"He had to be at least seven hundred pounds." Gail continued.

"Five hundred and thirty nine," Quinn added cooly.

"He was a monster. He was yelling at all the nurses and he broke a chair against the wall."

Quinn finally gave her friend the attention she'd been so desperately craving. "He wasn't a monster. He suffers from Gigantism. He broke the chair when he sat down and screamed out for help. He was very sweet."

Gail gave her a curious scowl. "How do you know? Did you go down to gawk at him too?"

"Of course I did, he was like ten feet tall and seven hundred pounds."

Gail burst out laughing and wrapped a playful arm around Quinn's shoulder. Gail was beyond affectionate. She loved to hug and shoulder slap. When they'd first met Quinn had even mistakenly thought the short brunette with the wavy black hair and wire framed glasses was flirting with her. It wasn't until she'd walked into a hospital on-call room and found her making out with a steroid head named Biff that she realized she wasn't Gail's type. The scene was so awkward however that it forced them to form a friendly bond to get over the weirdness of it all and over the years they'd grown to be close friends.

"I heard Dr. Softeyes let you cut today. A brain bleed. That's usually the sort of thing he hoards for himself."

Dr. Softeyes is what the women in the hospital called Quinn's boss, Attending physician and Neurosurgeon Frank Sofronio. Dr. Sofronio was a tall dark haired Greek with graying temples and striking blue eyes. He was okay as far as bosses went, extremely smart and talented and an excellent teacher. The whole hospital hated him though, he screamed a lot and called everybody names but Quinn didn't let it bother her. Nobody could hold a candle to Sue Sylvester. He had screamed and yelled at Quinn so much in a quest to intimidate her that when she didn't run off he took her under his wing as his protégé.

"I told you he wasn't that bad but you wanted to go hang out with those losers in OB."

Gail scoffed. "I fixed a little baby's heart today the size of a silver dollar."

It was Quinn's turn to scoff. "You did?"

Gail shrugged. "I supervised." The thing Quinn could always count on from Gail was a gross exaggeration of nearly everything non-patient related that came out of her mouth. The only time anything she said was taken at face value was when she was working on a patient or handling a medical file.

Quinn laughed but her laughter was short lived. A trio of doctors ran past her at a sprint catching both their attention. Before she got a chance to ask what was going on another pair of doctors rushed past.

People only ran when somebody was dying someplace. She hadn't heard anything, no code called over the loudspeaker. No nurses or interns screaming down the hall. Still another doctor rushed past and disappeared into the Emergency area.

"What the hell is going on?" Gail asked but the Chief of surgery came strutting down the hall and it was all the explanation either of them needed. Dr. Mike King was as old as dirt but he was God in the hospital. He knew everything about everything and was always right. When he said jump everyone answered how high. One cross word from him and your career would be over before it started.

"Dr. Fabray with me," Dr. King said not bothering to slow down or even look in her direction. Quinn didn't hesitate. She abandoned her pile of folders and skipped down the hall on his heels. She was pushing through the swinging doors leading towards the Emergency area before she finally asked what was going on.

"What's going on?" She asked slowly, careful not to show fear but firm enough to show she expected an answer.

"VIP en-route. That movie they're filming downtown had an accident. Some stunt went wrong and a bunch of people got hurt. Multiple traumas and the star Rachel Berry has some sort of stomach laceration."

Quinn's stomach churned. Rachel Berry. That was exactly what she didn't want to hear. It had been over ten years since she'd seen Rachel last. Ten plus years and lots of water under the bridge. The last time she'd seen Rachel the girl had thrown a ten dollar lamp at her head.

"I'll hit the trauma's," Quinn said quickly.

"No. Stick with me, I've got enough people on the traumas I need you working on the VIP. The studio wants her back on set as soon as medically possible and I want you to run her Neuro exam."

Quinn sighed but didn't argue. A minute later she was walking down the hall while somebody screamed in the distance. Quinn recognized the loud obnoxious and entitled voice right away. Rachel.

"What the holy hell are you people doing to me? Are you trying to kill me?"

The thought of running crossed her mind. She could turn around climb into her car and drive away. Rachel would never even know she was here, she was sure of it. Sure she'd get fired and her career would likely be over but that seemed like a worthy trade off. Seeing Rachel again wouldn't be good.

"Get your hands off me already. Tina, Tina get over here and fix this. This guy is going to kill me."

Tina. The name was like nails on a chalk board. Quinn had heard Tina Cohen-Chang had become a doctor also and was now working as Rachel's private physician. Quinn suspected this was some sort of ruse designed by Rachel to score prescription drugs. Tina was likely serving as a very expensive legal drug pusher.

Dr. King stepped past a small group of people dressed as longshoremen, likely extras in Rachel's movie, and pushed his way into the room. Quinn held her breath and stepped inside the room behind him. There were people everywhere. The room was packed with doctors, nurses and what Quinn suspected was people from the movie set. The tension was thick in the air but she put on her doctor face and steeled her nerves. She'd never expected to see Rachel again. At least not outside of the movies. When she heard Rachel was going to be in town filming a movie Quinn didn't think twice about it. The odds of them bumping into one another had to be astronomical. She had been wrong. So wrong. Even here, in Pittsburgh, she couldn't hide from Rachel Berry.

"Get your damn hands off me. What is the matter with you people? I don't need any of you in here. I have a doctor. Tina tell them you're my doctor."

"I'm Ms. Berry's personal physician," Tina squeaked out.

"See, now move. I'm leaving. I have a movie to finish."

While peering over a half a dozen shoulders Quinn saw Rachel pushing herself out of her hospital bed and decided she'd seen enough. Instead of letting her leave Quinn took charge.

"Everybody who is not a doctor or nurse needs to get out of this room right now," Quinn said sternly.

Rachel who had been grumbling to herself across the room quieted down almost immediately. Tina who was meekly standing beside Rachel's bed turned her attention to the doorway.

"You heard her, go. Clear the room right now," Dr. King said sternly. The room emptied out quickly. Rachel's large entourage scattered like cockroaches with the lights on.

"And you. Sit down and stop being a diva," Quinn said firmly.

Rachel's eyes widened but so did the eyes of everyone else in the room. Rachel's VIP status was all any of them were thinking about. Quinn wanted to get her exam done and get her out of here as soon as possible. That wasn't going to happen, she could see it in Rachel's face.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked.

Every doctor in the room, including Tina turned to stare at her. Tina's eyes widened with shock.

"Quinn Fabray?" She asked. "What. What. Are you doing here." Tina muttered out.

"Don't start stuttering again Chang, this isn't high school. And Rachel sit down and stop complaining so we can check you out. God you're still a diva. It's like we're fifteen all over again."

Rachel shoved a doctor out of the way until Quinn was firmly in her sights. When they locked eyes Quinn felt every emotion she'd buried deep within herself bubble to the surface. Rachel looked hot. Even with her face covered in blood. Fake blood, Quinn was sure of that, it was too shiny and red, too phony looking to be real, and it didn't take away from her beauty one bit.

Of course being hot was never Rachel's problem. She could always get Quinn's motor running, that had never been an issue. The problem was once her motor slowed down they always seemed to bump heads about stuff. They fought constantly. Loudly, angrily and often violently. Once the sex stopped things got broken and feelings were hurt. They were toxic together. Like bleach and ammonia. It had taken a long time for Quinn to work up the nerve to leave and it had done them both worlds of good. Rachel was a movie star and she was a doctor. Things had worked out for both of them. But still, Rachel looked so hot.

"Quinn Fabray. You're a doctor now?" Rachel asked. It didn't surprise Quinn that Rachel didn't know. Quinn was sure nobody knew. She hadn't kept in contact with anybody from back home. Her old life had been locked away, her family abandoned, her friends forgotten. She'd parlayed her Yale education into a spot in medical school and when she finished she had moved to Pittsburgh to start her career.

"Yes Rachel I'm a doctor. Now quiet down and do what I say. Lay down."

Rachel scoffed but laid back on the bed. "Sure, tell me what to do. Boss me around. Why should things be any different than high school. Or when we used to date. It's Quinn's way or she hits the highway."

"Rachel," Tina began to plead.

"No, it's okay Tina. You know how Quinn is when she doesn't get her way. We should just do what she says. Before you know it she'll start calling us the mean names she had for us in high school. Let's just let her have her way," Rachel said doing her best to sound annoyed but not actually pulling it off.

"Good. Life is much simpler that way," Quinn said turning her attention to the group of doctors standing around with open mouths. "Okay, who's up first. Let's go," she demanded.

XOXOXOXO

Everybody was staring at her. Quinn could feel it. By now half the hospital had probably heard that she knew Rachel Berry Hollywood A lister and notorious diva, intimately. Half the hospital was probably talking about her and Rachel being an item once upon a time. Talking and gossiping. And staring.

"You sneaky dog," Gail said sneaking up behind her. "Rachel Berry. That's your ex Rachel that you always talk about. Rachel freaking Berry?"

All she could do was shrug. No amount of fancy talking would ease this blow. "Yep."

"And you didn't think it was important to share that little nugget of information?"

Gail was a notorious gossip. Nothing went down in the hospital without her knowing about it. She was the eyes and ears of the whole place and despite having an education from one of the best colleges in the world she behaved like a fourteen year old Cheerio.

"As soon as I told you it would have been all over the hospital. And the way everybody's looking at me now, they would have looked at me like that then. It was worth trying to keep it quiet. One less accident in the city and nobody is the wiser."

Gail didn't appear to understand Quinn's reluctance. "You used to date one of the biggest movie stars in the world. Anybody else would be proud."

"Do you remember those stories I told you about our time together? Do you remember any of it besides the fact that she's a movie star?"

Gail shook her head. "Not a word."

"Quinn. Quinn can I talk to you for a minute?"

Of course. Tina. Tina freaking Cohen-Chang. Quinn hadn't seen Tina in a decade and she hadn't changed at all. Instead of black lace and dark eyeshadow she was wearing a skirt suit, it was however still black. That much hadn't changed it seemed.

"Elvira," Quinn said with an edge that brought up old familiar feelings and made her feel a tad uncomfortable.

"I need to speak to you about Rachel. She's being difficult and she won't listen to me. She needs surgery. She has an appendicitis."

Quinn shrugged, her eyes glued to the administration desk. Gail was staring nervously at her, along with the nurse sitting behind the desk typing on a computer.

"So tell her to get the surgery."

Tina let out a frustrated breath. "She won't listen to me. She doesn't listen to anybody. She wants to finish this movie then get the surgery done in LA. She doesn't understand that if it ruptures she could die."

"What do you want me to do about it Tina? YOU'RE her doctor. Talk her into it."

"She doesn't listen. You're the only person she's ever listened to. Even back in Lima. I called Santana to try and talk some sense into her, she and Brittany couldn't even get through to her. She's a total monster Quinn. She's going to get herself killed and her dads are going to blame me."

Quinn sighed not bothering to hide her annoyance. "Calm down."

"Go talk to her. Tell her to get the surgery."

She wanted to shrug and ask what difference it made to her if she got the surgery or not. She hadn't seen Rachel in years, they hadn't been a couple in over ten. Still those thoughts of past smiles, warm kisses, and gentle caresses were hard to ignore. She cared about Rachel. Even now.

"She's not going to listen to me," Quinn reasoned. She never had before. Everything that came out of her mouth back then had caused a fight. If Quinn said one thing Rachel said the opposite.

Tina wasn't buying it. "She hasn't stopped talking about you since you left the room. She spent ten minutes on the phone with Santana talking about you. She's coming down you know. Her and Brittany are flying down tomorrow."

Quinn sighed but Gail became visibly excited.

"You know Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce? I love that show."

Santana and Brittany had gained reality show fame a few years ago. Their dysfunctional, emotional, and sexually codependent relationship was now entertainment fodder for the entire world. Millions of people watched their insane love affair with curiosity and as a result the two girls had made a ton of money. There was a Playboy spread, which they'd posed for together, a 'leaked' sex tape, clothing lines, and several endorsement deals. Somebody had even put Brittany's clueless witticisms on tee-shirts and half the world was using Santana's genius insults. They were always in the tabloids and had become the sort of celebrities everyone knew but nobody understood how they'd grown to be famous in the first place. Last Quinn had heard they'd bought a multi-million dollar mansion in Hollywood and let the Puckerman brothers live in the pool house. Quinn would never admit it but she watched the show on a regular basis.

"We all went to high school together. Quinn was best friends with them," Tina said confidently.

"You were friends with Santana and Brittany?"

Tina laughed. "Quinn was their leader. We used to call them the Unholy Trinity."

Gail laughed. "The what?"

"Unholy Trinity. They were the prettiest girls in school. Cheerleaders. And absolutely mean. Everybody was terrified of them."

"You were a cheerleader?" Gail asked, surprised.

"Yes," Quinn deadpanned.

"Really?"

Quinn shrugged. "Sure. I was head cheerleader for a while."

"In what world is that fair? I was the biggest nerd in school. I had thick glasses and bad clothes. I didn't have a boyfriend until senior year and he broke up with me as soon as I had sex with him. And you get to be pretty, popular, and smart. Then you get into Yale and become a doctor," Gail seemed to be joking but Quinn could tell she was genuinely a bit annoyed.

"It's not a big deal. It was a thousand years ago. I'm not that girl anymore. Besides my life wasn't perfect. Not by any stretch of the imagination."

"Yeah she was in a wheelchair for a while. And she got pregnant at sixteen. And got kicked out of her house. And dyed her hair pink."

Gail's eyes widened with shock. "You used to be in a wheelchair? And you had a baby?"

"I was in a car accident and I ended up in a wheelchair for a while. It's why I have a bad back. And I had a baby that I put up for adoption."

Gail's mouth was wide open and Quinn could see the nurse working the desk was all ears also. Great. More gossip.

"Where is the baby? Do you know who has her?"

Quinn nodded. "Rachel's mother has her."

Gail's mouth opened for another question but she was cut off by the sound of wailing from down the hall.

"TINA," Rachel screamed at the top of her lungs. "TINA where the hell are you?"

Tina rolled her eyes and hustled off down the hall not even bothering to say goodbye.

"You should talk her into having the surgery," Gail said offering her two cents.

Quinn knew that was the right thing to do but somehow going back into Rachel's room seemed like the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. She was however a doctor and it was her duty to try and save Rachel from her own poor decisions, just like old times.

She followed Tina down the hall and watched as her old friend ducked into Rachel's room. She could hear Rachel's bossy and demanding tone from out in the hall. She was already laying into Tina for some imagined transgression.

"How dare you walk off and leave me in here. I'm laid up in the hospital and your out sightseeing. If you weren't one of my oldest friends I'd fire you. You're just like everybody else Tina, you don't care about me at all."

"Give it a rest," Quinn said as she stepped into the room.

Rachel's eyes widened with shock, it was likely nobody had spoken to her that way in a long time. She stared at Quinn briefly scowling then letting her gaze soften and before Quinn knew it was downright smiling.

"So, Pittsburgh. Is this where you went? Pittsburgh. Is this what you walked out on me for? Pittsburgh?"

Quinn took a deep breath. Rachel was baiting her, she was sure of that. Still there was something about the way she said Pittsburgh that rubbed her the wrong way. It was like she'd moved out of Heaven to take up residence in a crack house.

"I went to medical school. I came to Pittsburgh because that's where I was matched, I didn't have a choice."

Rachel scoffed. "I can't believe you're a doctor. I can't believe anybody would trust you with their health. Do they know you're a pot head? Do they know you drink vodka like ice tea?"

Don't take the bait, Quinn said to herself. Don't, it's what she wants.

"I've grown up. That was a long time ago Rachel. I don't drink or do drugs anymore."

Rachel laughed. "Do they know if they make you mad you'll screw their best friend?"

Don't bite. Stay strong.

"Rachel I didn't sleep with that girl. I told you that. Besides it was a long time ago. I'm not the same person."

Rachel looked over at Tina. "Did you know Quinn and I once locked ourselves in my loft and smoked weed and drank vodka for two days straight? Sunday night she tells me she has to go score us some more pot and she never came back. She didn't call me, didn't answer my phone calls. I thought she was dead. I thought she got raped and murdered and shoved in some suitcase and dumped in the Hudson River."

"I'm sorry about that," Quinn said softly.

"I mean I went to the police station and filled out a police report. I called all of our friends. Nothing. She cancelled her Facebook account. Changed her phone number and moved out of her place. It wasn't until the Police called me and told me that she was alive but didn't want to see me that I realized what a fucking coward she was."

Rachel was still talking to Tina but she was staring right at Quinn. Quinn fought back her frustration, it's what she wants. Drama. Their relationship was filled with drama. Fighting, sex, screaming, sex, violence, sex. Drama.

"It _was_ cowardly but it was the only way I knew how to get away. I knew if I told you what I was doing I never would have done it. You would have never let me leave."

Rachel nodded. "I know. You wanted to move, to Pittsburgh."

"Rachel I went to medical school. I'm a doctor. I've made something of myself. You've made something of yourself. Can't we just be adults about this?"

Rachel laughed out loud. "Says the girl who went out to buy us weed and didn't come back for ten years. Ten years Quinn. We were talking about moving in together and you just left me. Dumped me like a piece of trash."

"I know, it was wrong."

"Tina did you know Quinn cut all of us out of her life. Every last one of us. She doesn't even speak to her family anymore. She made a new family, here in Pittsburgh."

Something inside her snapped. "Will you give it a rest already Rachel?"

"What? I'm not the one living here in Pittsburgh pretending to be somebody she's not. Hiding from her life. If you wanted to be a doctor I would have supported you. It would have been fine with me. You didn't have to run off and join Witness Protection."

Behave. Behave. She wants to fight.

"I did what I thought was best. It wasn't necessarily the right way to handle it but I was young Rachel. I was twenty one years old and I wanted to be a surgeon."

Tina's eyes widened. "Wait, you're a surgeon?"

Rachel didn't seem to see the significance. Tina was shocked.

"I'm a month away from finishing up my neurology surgical residency. Next I start my fellowship and make it official."

"Wait, you're a neurosurgeon? What's going to be your specialty?"

"Spine."

Tina eyebrow's arched with interest. "Wow. A spinal surgeon. I applied for a Surgical residency but I didn't get in. I went into Family Medicine instead."

"So you've been here this whole time?" Rachel seemed annoyed.

"I was at Stanford for four years of medical school. Then I came here. I've been here seven years."

Rachel let out an angry sigh. "So after four years of Yale you went back to college for four more years of medical school. And you've spent seven years here and you're still not finished?"

"She's got a month left. She's already a neurosurgeon Rachel. Another year and she'll also be a spinal surgeon."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "This is what you left me for? I'm being paid seventeen million dollars just for this movie alone. I have houses all over the world. Hell I helped Tina pay off her med school loans and all she has to do is travel the world with me. She's got a house in the Hollywood Hills and a condo in the Caribbean. You would have been on easy street if you hadn't ran off like a coward."

Relax. It's a trap. Don't take the bait.

"I'm doing okay. I have six offers. New York, LA, Boston, Chicago. I can go anywhere I want."

Rachel scoffed. "Yeah, but knowing you you'll stay here. In Pittsburgh."

"Hey why don't you give it fucking rest already Rachel. I said I was sorry. I'm not gonna stand here and listen to this bullshit from you anymore. We're not sleeping together anymore so until I let you in my pants again why don't you keep your opinions to yourself."

The words were out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying. It was a disaster. All of these years of therapy and staying out of trouble only to have Rachel show up and throw it all away. How dare her show up and screw things up. She opened her mouth to apologize but Rachel wasn't angry. She was smiling.

"There she is. There's my Quinn." She smiled playfully. "I knew you were still in there. You can move away and pretend you don't know me anymore and that you've changed but I knew you were still in there." She laughed evilly to herself. "Doctor Fabray."

Reality was a bitch. Rachel was right. She hadn't changed. She was only fooling herself. She was the same insane maniac that had fought with Rachel all those years ago. She felt her stomach turn and for the first time in over ten years she longed to light up a joint. Instead of fighting she turned tail and ran.

* * *

Then: The Break-up

"Yeah, right there. Deeper. Harder. Harder. No don't move. Don't move." Rachel let out a resounding scream that she was sure could be heard all over New York. Quinn may have been a drunken burnout but she was an absolute wildcat in the sack.

"New record," Quinn said as she slipped her two fingers out of Rachel's sweet spot and used those same fingers to pull a joint out of a nearby ashtray.

"What do you mean new record? Are you keeping track of how fast you can make me come?"

Quinn nodded like a proud parent. "Yep. Four minutes. Four minutes to make you my bitch."

She lit up her joint and took a long toke. Her short blonde hair a mess on her head, her eye makeup smeared into an Alice Cooper like blur on her cheeks.

"It was not four minutes," Rachel argued.

"It was. You're officially my dirty whore. Now go fix me a sandwich dirty whore."

Rachel slapped her on the back of the head. "Call me a whore again and I'll cut your eyeballs out of your head."

Quinn didn't seem to mind the threat. Instead of getting angry she took a long hit of the joint and exhaled slowly.

"Maybe we just roll a few more of these and relax a little bit. If you're nice to me I'll make you come again. And again, and again, and again." She took another toke before discarding the joint in the ashtray. "I'm sorry I called you a dirty whore."

Rachel planted a kiss on Quinn's cheek before reaching across her body and grabbing the joint out of the ashtray and taking a quick puff.

"Weed is bad for your voice. You shouldn't smoke it," Quinn scolded.

"Who are you my dad?"

Quinn laughed a little too eagerly. "Which dad? The black dad or the Jewish dad?"

Rachel gave her another slug? "Is that some sort of racist comment? Because my dads gave me everything, and one day I'm going to respond in kind. So if you have a problem with blacks, or Jews, why don't you just get the hell out of here."

Instead of moving Quinn crossed her legs, her naked body glowing under the dim light given off by the nightstand lamp. "I wasn't being racist. I was just asking which dad is the one who hassles you about everything. Not smoking, staying out of trouble. Practicing safe sex?"

That seemed to make sense. Maybe she_ WAS_ overreacting. "The Jewish dad. He's neurotic."

"Aren't most Jewish people neurotic?"

Rachel threw another punch that landed squarely on Quinn's shoulder. "That was racist."

Quinn nodded a silent agreement. "A little bit," she finally admitted. "That was a little racist. At the very least a stereotype."

"Are we losers?" Rachel asked out of the blue. Back in Lima she'd always secretly considered Puck a loser because all he did was sit around all day and smoke weed. Now that she was sitting around all day smoking weed did that make HER a loser?

"I'm not a loser. I go to Yale. I have a 3.78 GPA from one the best Ivy League colleges in the World. I even got into Medical School. Stanford."

Rachel laughed. "You did not get into medical school. You're high."

Quinn nodded. "I totally got in. They sent me a letter and everything. I'm probably gonna go you know. I'm probably gonna leave New Haven and move to California so I can be a doctor."

"They don't let pot heads into medical school."

"I'll miss you."

Rachel took another hit of the joint. "I need to find another job. I have rent to pay. Ever since Kurt moved in with Blaine I'm spending all my money on rent. A guy I know is going to get me an audition for a show on Broadway. If I get it I can make a pretty good living. You should move in with me after graduation. You went to Yale, you can find a job easy I bet."

Rachel waited for Quinn to respond but she didn't. She was already asleep. She decided to dump the weed in the ashtray and follow suit. She had no idea what time it was, the clock said 1:17 but with the shades drawn she wasn't sure if that was am or pm. It didn't matter, she was tired. They could talk about all of this in the morning.

XOXOXOXOXO

"Are you kidding me? Sandra? My friend Sandra? You slept with HER?" Rachel was beside herself. Quinn was a real piece of work. Sandra, a girl Rachel knew from NYADA, somebody she considered a friend was sexting with Quinn.

"Rachel we aren't having sex. It's just a phone thing. You're overreacting."

"Oh so it's ME who's being unreasonable. It's totally not a big deal that I find a picture of another girl's naked vagina in your phone. A girl who is supposed to be my friend."

Rachel watched Quinn, waited for her to squirm but she didn't. Instead of squirming she simply shrugged. "It was this crazy thing we did. We didn't sleep together, it's not a big deal. I don't even remember why I did it."

"Probably because you're a cheating horny bitch." Rachel snapped.

Quinn shook her head. "It's not a big deal, don't get so bent out of shape. I told you I didn't sleep with her. It didn't even mean anything."

Bullshit. People always said that sort of thing when they were caught red handed. It didn't mean anything. You've got it all wrong. You're blowing this out of proportion. It was always the same thing.

"It meant something. You've still got her picture in your phone."

Quinn still wasn't squirming. Her calm demeanor was starting to piss Rachel off. She always did this, screwed up then pretended like it wasn't a big deal. She didn't even look like she cared that she was caught.

"I thought that was you," Quinn said.

"Really? You thought I sent you a picture of some other girl's snatch?"

Quinn actually laughed. "I thought it was you. I thought it was your snatch."

More bullshit. "You thought that this was me?" She held the phone up to Quinn's face. The photo was clearly of somebody with pale white skin. Rachel was a lot of things but pale and white wasn't on the list. She had color, tanned skin that clearly held a twinge of some ethnicity. There was no way Quinn got this body and her body confused. No way. Not to mention she'd just admitted she'd known full well what she was doing, just not why.

"It could be you," Quinn said still nonchalant.

"Why would I send you a photo of myself Quinn? You can see me naked anytime you want."

Quinn shrugged. Rachel discarded the phone on the bed and left the room. If Quinn wasn't going to be honest it was best they not be around one another. She needed water. Water would help. Maybe more weed.

She was sipping on a glass of water, doing her best to calm her nerves when Quinn came sauntering in as if she hadn't just crushed Rachel's whole world. Still nothing. Not a hint of remorse in her eyes at all. It was as if she simply didn't care.

"Did you send her a picture of yourself too?"

Instead of lying which Rachel figured would be the kind thing to do, Quinn nodded. "Sure I did. It was just some thing we did."

"Why? Why would you do this?"

"I was mad at you about something. I forget what. We made up, it's all good now."

Her head was spinning. It was the most insane thing she'd ever heard in her life. "You were mad at me, so you text some other girl naked pictures of yourself. What if they end up on the internet Quinn? Most of the pictures of naked girls on the internet were sent to somebody who sent it to somebody else who sent it to somebody else. Your picture is probably half way to China by now on some 'Slutty American College Girl' site."

Quinn laughed. "I didn't shoot my face. It's all good."

Rachel couldn't take it any more. Her nonchalance was driving her insane. She stormed into the living room, grabbed the first thing she saw and hurled it at Quinn's head. Quinn ducked just in time to avoid a concussion and for once she finally looked concerned.

"You almost hit me you fucking loon," she said with the emotion Rachel had been missing all morning.

"I'm the loon? You're sitting over there pretending like what you did is the most normal thing in the world. Walking around half naked talking about, It's all good. No it's not all good you fucking cheating bitch."

"If you throw something else at me I'm going to kick your ass Rachel. I swear."

Rachel smiled, eager to accept the challenge. "Yeah?" She reached for the first thing she saw. A lamp sitting on a small table. She yanked the cord from the wall and chucked it across the room, once again right at Quinn's head.

Quinn had to dive for the floor to avoid getting hit but she was on her feet lightning fast and across the room. She tackled Rachel to the floor with a wrestling move screaming and yelling the first bad names that popped into her head. Rachel didn't back down an inch.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel pulled her naked body off the living room floor. Quinn was in the bathroom taking a shower, cleaning herself up. She wasn't sure how they'd gone from trying to kill one another to trying to make each other come. It happened like that sometimes. They started out angry, then it got rough, then it turned sexual.

"Quinn if you're not too busy we need more weed."

Quinn stepped out of the bathroom, her body naked and wet and perfect. Rachel briefly considered jumping her bones and initiating another round of love making. That could wait however. They needed more weed.

"Rachel," Quinn started to say. Something was off about her now. The shower had clearly sobered her up because she looked sad. Upset almost. She only looked that way when she was off the weed and booze.

"What's up?" Rachel asked. Surely she didn't want to fight again. They'd been fighting and having sex all day.

Instead of speaking she shook her head. "Nothing. I'll go get the weed." She disappeared back into the bathroom only to come out a minute later fully dressed. She walked over to Rachel, dropped to her knees beside her on the floor and kissed her softly on the mouth. It had been years since they'd kissed that way. Soft, romantic.

"What's that for?" Rachel asked.

"For everything. I love you so much, you know that don't you. More than words can express."

Rachel smiled suddenly shy. "Of course I do. I love you too."

Quinn pushed herself to her feet and walked over to the duffle bag she'd lugged down from New Haven. She rifled around for a minute or two then offered Rachel one last look.

"Can we talk about you moving in when you get back. I mean seriously talk about it?"

Quinn nodded. "Sure. We can talk about it." Something in her eyes gave Rachel the creeps. She wasn't going to do it, that's what her eyes were saying. They were saying we can talk about it but it's not happening. Not in a million years.

"Fine," Rachel said with an eye roll. "And don't go to Mario's. That guy is sketchy enough in the daytime."

Quinn nodded with a smile. "Okay." She said as she walked to the door. "I love you."

Rachel nodded suddenly disinterested. "Yeah, I love you too." She didn't bother looking up as Quinn walked out the door. If she had she'd have seen Quinn's dorm key gripped firmly in her palm, her ID sticking out of her back pocket, her lucky sweatshirt tied around her waist. If she'd only looked up she'd have gotten some clue that she wouldn't see Quinn again for over a decade.

**First let me prevace this by saying I have no Earthly idea where this is coming from. I suppose I'm sick. Someplace deep down. I couldn't imagine ANYBODY would find this remotely interesting but me. Still, I must have some deep seeded emotional trauma that I have to work out through my art. So if you want to keep reading please do. If you're looking for a healthy, light hearted, and fun romance story, this is probably not the right story for you. What I can promise is drama, fighting, sex, and the most unhealthy relationship I can wrap my mind around. Enjoy!**

** Empty Pen**


	2. Chapter 2

Now: Reunion Part 2

Dr. Tanner slid the cup of pills across his solid oak desk and gave Quinn a tense look. This routine was the only thing in her day that was always the same. On days she worked she showed up to Tanner's office and waited while he doled out her medication. It was the smallest thing but like he always said, rules and structure were her best friend.

"Yesterday was exciting," he said in a veiled attempt at getting her to open up. He did this all the time, spoke to her casually and as a friend all the while examining her head, shrinking her brain.

She thought about playing along. Smiling, lying. He'd see through that though. He was her doctor. Seven years she'd been seeing him. Once a week barring any medical emergencies that needed her attention. He knew when she was lying. It was his job to know.

"It was stressful."

He nodded along and watched as she took her pills, washing them down with a glass of water.

"Was it stressful enough to be considered a trigger?"

She considered lying. She'd handled it. Still the truth wasn't something to toy with. Not when she was so close to having the life she'd worked so long to have.

"Maybe. I had a moment. Just a sliver when I regressed. She was pushing my buttons. Saying things to hurt me in the hopes I'd fall into our old pattern."

Tanner nodded. "Can I ask you a question?"

Like she had a choice. If she were even accused of being non-cooperative she'd risk being kicked out of the program. With a month to go that would be a bonehead move.

"Sure."

"Why didn't you tell me that your ex, Rachel, was Rachel Berry the movie star."

There it was. The age old question. It was the same question Gail had asked yesterday.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It makes things weird. And I don't think of her that way. I've known Rachel since I was fourteen. She wasn't a movie star when we met. She was poor, well not rich, when we fell in love. I don't see her as the movie star. She's just Rachel Berry, pain in the ass."

"So you two went to high school together?"

Quinn nodded. "Me, her, the doctor she brought with her Tina Cohen-Chang, Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce were in Glee club together."

Tanner's eyebrows arched. Star struck. Great.

"You all went to high school together? Were you friends?"

"I was friends with Santana and Brittany first. We had a little clique. A mean girl clique."

"The famed Unholy Trinity."

She couldn't imagine where he'd heard THAT name. She'd never mentioned it in therapy once. Gail.

She nodded. "Yeah. I was head cheerleader until I got pregnant. Santana took over when I got kicked off the squad. Her and Brittany were different kinds of friends with each other than I was with them both. We sort of bonded over cheerleading and being pretty and popular but the two of them had their own thing going on. They were in love but didn't actually know it yet. I used to hold it over Santana's head to keep her in line but it was like trying to cage a wild animal. She fought and clawed every step of the way. When I got pregnant I considered outing her to everybody to keep her under my thumb. You know, keep at least some friends, but I decided against it. Their relationship was crazy, and weird, but it was the best thing about both of them. I didn't want to wreck it. So I took my lumps."

Tanner pushed his glasses up his nose. "And Rachel. You guys weren't friends?"

Quinn laughed. "Back then? God no. Rachel and I fought constantly over a boy. We were the Hatfields and McCoys back then. She was my anchor back then."

"Explain that? What do you mean your anchor?"

Quinn had never admitted this out loud before. She'd dated Rachel for a year and a half and they'd never discussed high school once. It was like the whole thing hadn't happened.

"She was the steady thing in my life. Therapy is my anchor now. Rachel was then. She was so focused and determined. Confident. It was the thing I looked to when things started to spiral out of control. I could always count on Rachel to be steady. She was just so damn sure of herself it made me want to be sure of MYSELF. She was an anchor. Something strong for me to mentally hold on to. I held it together pretty well using her as my constant. The only time I drifted was during the summer before senior year. I didn't see her at all, and I lost myself a bit."

Tanner seemed to understand. "The pink hair, the tattoo? The situation with Beth and Shelby?"

Quinn nodded. "Yeah. Once I rejoined the Glee club I fell right back into a steady routine. I didn't slip again until college. I looked for an anchor and couldn't find one. That's when the weed started."

"Self psychotherapy."

Quinn nodded. "It was the only time I felt halfway normal."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Quinn wiped her tired eyes as she tossed her head back and let out a huge yawn. She was exhausted and all she could think about was grabbing a few hours of rest. She walked down the long hallway, took a deep breath, and plastered on her biggest doctor face.

As she pushed through the door leading to the family waiting room she tracked down the family of the 12 year old boy she'd just finished operating on.

"Mr. and Mrs. Callen?"

Mr. and Mrs. Callen, a middle aged couple both wearing Mr. Rogers type sweaters and thick spectacles, practically jumped to their feet. "Dr. Fabray." The said in unison rushing to her side.

"Everything went well. We got it all. We're going to have to keep a close eye on him but we have every reason to be optimistic. We're going to hold him over night and run some more tests in the morning. He's in post op now someone will be with you to take you to see him in a little while."

Quinn made a quick escape after prying herself out of the couple's arms. This was the only part of her job that she didn't care for. Updates. Loved ones sitting in a lobby, hopeful and optimistic. She often was the one who shattered that hope. Smashed that optimism. Even when things went well it was a bit too much to deal with. She did her best to keep an emotional distance but happiness was infectious. Sometimes surgeries went well but bad things still happened. Now was not the time to celebrate. She'd just dug a tumor out of a boys head, celebrating seemed a bit much.

The hospital was pretty quiet this morning. Quinn expected a frenzy. News about Rachel's emergency appendectomy was all over the internet. Last night after she'd snuck off and head home she'd turned on the TV and found the story on the 24 hour news channel. When she'd come in today there were news cameras lined up and down the street. Inside however things were as quiet as a mouse.

Quinn stopped at the desk only to catch the tail end of a conversation about her. Two nurses, both standing with their back to her, were gossiping. About her.

_"Not only did they date but they were going to move in together. They've known each other since high school."_

_"She never mentioned that. I mean who doesn't mention that they know a movie star?"_

_"Not just Rachel. She was friends with that Santana and Brittany too."_

_"Oh I love that show. They are so crazy together."_

_"They all went to high school together. Dr. Fabray was the leader of the mean girls."_

_"NO!"_

_"Yep. She was popular in school. A cheerleader even."_

_"How is that fair?"_

_"Half the doctors say the same thing. Most of them only became doctors so they can go back to their high school reunions and show up the kids who were popular back then. Can you imagine some poor math geek who cleans herself up, gets a good job, works out a bit and buys a new dress only to show up and see that the girl who tortured her about her acne is a freaking brain surgeon?"_

_"That would be so cruel. I'd feel two inches tall. Still."_

Quinn considered clearing her throat and getting their attention but decided against it. The gossipy nurses walked off in the opposite direction, oblivious to her presence. It was just as well, the last thing she needed was to talk about Rachel with some nosy nurse. To ruin her moment of peace she was quickly approached by a first year intern looking for guidance on some trivial matter that the girl should already know by this time in her training.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Quinn challenged the girl. The intern shrank within herself and Quinn glared at her. "Make a decision Smurfette."

The intern grew a spine and rattled off a list of tests she thought her patient needed. Quinn threw in a few of her own before sending the girl off with strict instructions to find her if anything went wrong. Quinn expected to see the girl in five minutes with another stupid question.

"Look at Q cracking the whip. Takes me back to Cheerios."

Quinn's heart leapt to her throat. She hadn't heard the voice in years. At least not in person. Still it was like an old friend. Hell she WAS an old friend. Of everything she'd left behind she'd missed Santana the most.

Quinn spun on her heels and was immediately bombarded with video cameras thrust into her face. Before she got a chance to open her mouth she was bowled over and engulfed in arms.

"Quinn!" Brittany squealed. "Quinn I missed you so much."

Brittany's hug felt like home. Long days in the Glee club. A nationals trophy. Singing Lady Gaga in their underwear during a sleepover. Brittany's hug was Lima. Fun carefree days where her biggest problem was fending Santana off as head Cheerio.

"Quinn Fabray. Dr. Badass. What's up?" Santana asked. She was barely out of Brittany's arms when Santana took over. Santana's hug was endless Cheerio's laps. Fights over boys neither of them actually wanted. Physical and emotional strength.

"San, Britt. Hey. How are you guys?" She'd left them both behind but they'd never really left her. She saw them all the time. Watched them laugh and joke, love unconditionally and unafraid. Just like old times. Their TV show kept them close to her. She hadn't realized how much she actually missed them until this very minute though.

"Quinn when Chang called and told us that they found you I almost peed my pants. It's been forever. Where the hell did you go?"

Quinn looked around. "I've been here. Working. Making a career for myself."

Brittany nodded. "This is like a real hospital. Like St. Josephine's."

Santana wrapped an arm around Brittany's waist. Brittany was wearing a pair of black pants so tight Quinn was surprised Santana let her out of the house. Her top was equally as tight, a white blouse that made her breasts look huge. Santana was wearing one of her patented form fitting dresses. A green and black dress that Quinn knew was more expensive than anything in her closet. Wrapped around her shoulders was an ankle length leopard print jacket that should have looked silly but instead looked awesome.

"It IS a real hospital. And Quinn's a real doctor. Like Tina, only better. If this was St. Josephine's Quinn would be Dr. Foxx."

Quinn knew from watching the reality show that Brittany was a huge soap opera fan. Her favorite show, St. Josephine's, was all she talked about these days. The show was so grateful for the free P.R. they returned the favor often, goofily speaking highly of Brittany in their scripts.

The news about Dr. Fox seemed to excite Brittany. "You're a head doctor?"

Quinn couldn't help but smile. "I'm a neurosurgeon."

Santana shook her head. "Damn. I knew you were smart when you got into Yale but damn. Chang said you're a brain surgeon."

Tina fucking Cohen-Chang. "Sorta."

Brittany gave Santana a hard poke in the ribs.

Santana looked at her with annoyance before seemingly understanding what Brittany wanted to say.

"Okay, now don't get upset because it wasn't our idea."

Great, Quinn could only guess what they were up to now.

"What?"

"It was Rachel. It was all Rachel's idea."

"What?"

"She wanted to see her little sister."

Quinn shrugged before the words actually took root in her brain. "Her sister?"

"Beth is here," Brittany said softly.

Quinn was going crazy. She'd just thought she'd heard Brittany say that Beth was here. She couldn't be here. She was in Lima with Shelby. She was just a baby.

"Who's watching her?"

"What do you mean? She went to get something to drink. She was being all bossy on the way over. God she's just like you. Barking orders at everybody."

Quinn shook her head. This wasn't making sense. "Where's Shelby? Did she just send Beth with you guys? She's just a kid."

Brittany's face softened with pity. "Quinn honey she's seventeen. She's almost an adult. You just haven't seen her in a really long time."

"Yeah, she's totally fine. She's with one of her friends. Oh, you know her, Sugar's niece. You remember Sugar don't you?" Santana asked. Quinn got the feeling she was only trying to ease the awkwardness of the whole thing. If she was, she was failing. Miserably.

Quinn hadn't thought about Sugar Motta in years. They weren't exactly what you'd call friends back in Lima. Sugar was a few years younger and spoiled rotten with a father who may or may not have been in the Mafia.

"Sugar Motta?"

Santana nodded. "Yeah her niece Honey is with Beth."

Honey Motta? Seriously? What did they run out of normal names in the Motta household?

"And Rachel brought them here?"

"Yeah," Santana said with a disinterested shrug.

Quinn's pager began to beep and instinctually she pulled it off her hip and checked the small screen. Work. The idiot intern needed guidance.

"Look, I gotta go but don't leave before we get a chance to catch up. And tell Rachel I want to see her. Tell her we're not done."

Santana nodded with a devilish smile Quinn had missed every day for over a decade. "You got it Q."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Look I know you're angry with me but this was totally over the line Rachel. I haven't seen Beth in fifteen years and you bring her here just to spite me."

Rachel was lying comfortably in her bed. The hospital had moved her to the VIP wing and she was soaking up every bit of luxury the suite had to offer. A flat screen TV was playing in the background. One of Rachel's movies was showing, a romantic comedy that always annoyed Quinn when she saw it. A typical wedding flick where she meets Mr. Right days before marrying Mr. Wrong, it was such a cliché and waste of her talent it annoyed Quinn to no end having to sit through it.

Rachel smiled. "Sorry. I thought she'd want to see Pittsburgh."

Tina was on the other side of the room stretched out on a sofa. Quinn found herself hoping the girl would suddenly wake up and break up the inevitable fight that was sure to come. She could see the sneaky smile on Rachel's face, an obvious eagerness to cause her pain and discomfort.

"Why are you doing this Rachel? Really?"

She just shrugged. A playful shrug that didn't hide the fact that her goal was to cause Quinn pain.

"Seriously, why? Can't we just call it even and move on?"

Rachel's smile fell away, her face tightening to a scowl of unmitigated hatred.

"Because I want to do to you what you did to me. I want to show up when you're on the cusp of getting everything you want and I want to ruin it. I want to take your heart and rip it out. Stomp on it and leave it by the side of the road. I want you to sit up at night for weeks crying over what I've done to you. I want to take your self esteem and crush it with a bottle of Smirnoff. Leave you with a drinking problem that forces your parents to fly to New York and drag you kicking and screaming to rehab. Once those things happen, then we can call it even. Then we can move on."

Quinn had been called lots of mean names. Coach Sylvester, Dr. Softeyes, they were both notorious insulters. Hell her best friend growing up was Santana Lopez. She hurled insults like vowels. Still none of this was as bad as what Rachel had just said to her. She'd taken a wrecking ball to Rachel's life and the girl had every reason to be pissed.

"You went to rehab? I never heard that."

Rachel snickered. "How could you, you've been here in Pittsburgh."

Quinn finally rolled her eyes. "Are we ever going to put this behind us?"

"How can I just put it behind me? We were together. We were in love. At least I thought we were," Rachel said.

"Rachel you're romanticizing what we were. Do you remember what we were like together? We were oil and water."

Rachel smiled, not the evil vindictive smile she'd been smiling lately, a nice smile. A sweet smile. The smile she'd fell in love with.

"No. You don't remember what we had. You've forgotten how good we were."

* * *

Then: The Beginning

"Just close your eyes. Close your eyes and tell me that it doesn't feel good. Stop thinking about it in terms of men and women."

Rachel closed her eyes and held her breath, when Quinn's lips touched her own her heart skipped a beat. She'd never been kissed the way she'd just been kissed. Quinn's hand slipped beneath her tee-shirt, her fingers stroking her abs slowly. It suddenly occurred to her that she'd never been touched this way either. Quinn's hand was a feather, soft and light, gently brushing up against her skin.

"See, you like it. Tell me you want me to make love to you."

Rachel wanted to push Quinn off of her. She'd shown up unannounced at a quarter to midnight smelling of alcohol and marijuana. Her eyes were glassy, her clothes rumpled, her hair a mess. Still she looked so cute.

The feelings however hadn't shown up until Quinn climbed into bed with her last weekend. Rachel was lying in bed staring at the ceiling when Quinn slipped beside her. She was naked except for a pair of panties and when she climbed under the covers Rachel's heart began to pound.

Nothing had happened that night but the seed was implanted in her mind. This weekend Quinn had kissed her on the mouth when she stepped into the loft on Friday evening. She still smelled like booze but Rachel pushed it out of her mind.

The kiss was quick, a peck actually but it was full on the lips and it lingered. Now Quinn seemed to have gone for the gusto. While watching TV she'd leaned over to Rachel again and kissed her once more. This time it was an actual kiss. A kiss that Rachel knew was more than friendly.

"I don't know. We," Rachel started to say.

"We like one another. You're just afraid. You're afraid of what everybody's going to think, what people are going to say. Don't think about those things. Let me make love to you."

"Have you been doing drugs?"

Quinn didn't seem to hear her. Either that or she chose not to listen. "I want to make love to you Rachel. I've wanted to for a while. I've never been with a girl before but I want you to be my first. Tell me it's okay."

Rachel didn't know what to say so she didn't say anything.

"What's holding you back? Is it the fact that we're both girls? That doesn't matter Rachel. It doesn't matter. Sex, race, religion. None of that matters. What matters is that I love you. I love you and I want to make love to you. Tell me you don't feel the same way and we'll never talk about it again."

Random. It was all so random. Quinn showed up out of nowhere, kissed her and now she wanted to have sex. What was she even talking about? "What do you mean you love me?"

Quinn brushed her lips across Rachel's cheek. "I love you. I want to make love to you because I love you. I always have. Is that okay?"

Rachel blew out a disbelieving breath. "You think just because you come over here all high on whatever it is your high on, telling me you love me that I'm going to just take my clothes off and give myself to you? You've got another thing coming."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel wasn't sure when no turned into maybe. One moment she'd been firmly against the mere idea of being physical with Quinn. Somehow the glossy glimmer in the girls' hazel eyes had clawed its way beneath her skin. Before she realized what was happening Quinn was straddling her hips, her lips firmly implanted on her own, her hand roaming her chest.

Quinn's kisses intensified and her tongue began to explore Rachel's mouth with a familiarity that threatened to make her uncomfortable. Her hands began to roam, aimless, almost nervous, moving from her neck to her chest to her hair as if she weren't sure what to do first.

The kisses continued and Rachel found herself totally undone. Her hands began a quest of their own. Sometime during their little game Quinn's pants had come off and Rachel let her palms explore Quinn's ass. Rubbing gently, slowly, while Quinn rocked back and forth on her hips, a tee-shirt and white thong the only thing covering her.

Whatever had gotten Quinn's motor running had seemed to calm because she was suddenly back in total control. Her roaming hand brushing a stray hair out of Rachel's face, her mouth playfully biting on Rachel's bottom lip. She pulled her mouth away and began to shower Rachel's neck with kisses, gentle pecks at first then she abandoned that plan and ran her tongue from the base of her neck to the sensitive spot just below her ear.

Now Quinn moved back up to her mouth forcing Rachel to ignore the fact that she was unbuttoning her white night shirt. She was hypnotized by Quinn's lips, they peppered her neck with kisses once again then without warning she took one of Rachel's breasts in her mouth. Rachel arched her back with acceptance offering a soft moan as her only response.

She pulled away just as quickly her mouth meeting Rachel's once again and offering tender kisses that suddenly felt so out of place and lacking. Rachel tugged at the base of Quinn's Yale tee-shirt, pulling it up over her head and discarding it on the floor beside the bed.

Rachel took in Quinn's body ever so briefly before she pulled the girl closer and explored her breasts with her mouth. Time seemed to stand still as she familiarized herself with Quinn's body, she let her tongue roam one, then the other.

The next thing happened fast, oh so fast that Rachel didn't realize it happened until it was underway. Quinn snuck a hand down the front of her sweats and into her panties. Her fingers roamed, rubbed, and Rachel's only recourse was to focus on the beautiful breast in her mouth. Quinn's middle finger slipped inside her and Rachel whimpered. In, out, in, out, in, then it was gone and Quinn pulled away from her. She disappeared to the bottom of the bed and Rachel wondered for a half a second if it was over. Instead Quinn grabbed the hips of her sweats and panties and pulled them both off in one smooth motion.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak. She wasn't sure if she wanted to protest or egg her on but no words came out. Instead she moaned. Quinn ran her tongue down one thigh, knee to groin, then the other. She pulled away, her mouth suddenly reappearing on Rachel's stomach then slowly an inch at a time made it's way back down south.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel opened the fridge only to have it slam shut almost catching her hand. Kurt, she'd forgotten all about Kurt. He was hardly ever home, his schedule at Vogue and his classes at NYADA kept him pretty busy. Rachel hadn't even known he was here tonight.

"What the hell was that? Did you just have sex with Quinn?"

Rachel's face flushed with shame. She HAD had sex with Quinn. After she'd swore to herself she wouldn't. One minute she was saying no, then she was saying yes. Yes. Yes. Oh God yes!

She offered a shrug.

"Quinn?" Kurt asked his eyebrows arched with either confusion or surprise Rachel couldn't tell. "Quinn Fabray?"

"Kurt."

"Rachel you did not just have a romp with your high school nemesis."

Rachel wouldn't classify what happened as a romp. Quinn had done something to her that NOBODY had done before. Sex had always been okay, she'd enjoyed it but it had never been like THAT. She'd heard about women having multiple orgasms but it had always seemed like something other women would enjoy. She would enjoy more realistic goals, like Broadway and Tony Awards. Tonight that had ended. She'd give her first Tony to be able to enjoy that passion again.

"It wasn't a romp. It was an experience. A very freeing experience."

Kurt laughed. "You mean the orgasms?"

Rachel lowered her head in shame. "You heard me?"

"I think your dads heard you back in Lima."

How humiliating. "Kurt don't be weird with her. She's acting weird enough."

Kurt chuckled and turned to leave the room. "You're just now noticing that?"


	3. Chapter 3

Now: Excuses, Excuses

"You're so full of crap. You're actually going to stand there and pretend like what we had wasn't real. Like nothing you felt for me, nothing we shared, was good. You're lying."

Rachel was pissed. Even more pissed than she'd been yesterday and that was damn near impossible. All of a sudden they were fighting about how much they used to fight. It was totally insane. It didn't even really matter anymore a lifetime had passed but fighting was always what they did best. That and sex.

"We had some good times," Quinn said nodding her agreement.

"Good times? Nobody has ever made me feel the way you did. That's why it hurt so much when you left. It crushed me. It broke everything in my life."

"Rachel," Quinn said pleadingly.

"Don't Rachel me. I loved you. With all my heart and soul and you just abandoned me."

"I didn't abandon you."

Rachel scoffed. "You didn't abandon me? Leaving in the middle of the night? Slinking away with your toothbrush in your pocket."

Quinn breathed deep. Don't fight with her. She's right. She did run off. She WAS abandoned.

"Okay, You're right. I screwed up. But how long are you going to punish me?"

"Didn't we go over this? Pain, heartbreak, ruin?"

Thoroughly. "Rachel do you want me to get down on my knees and say I'm sorry? I will."

"No I want you to hurt. I want you to be in pain like I was in pain all those years. I want you to worry about me the way I worried about you."

Quinn closed her eyes and grabbed a hold of her emotions. She'd been preparing for this moment for years. Hours and hours of sitting across from Dr. Tanner talking about the triggers that would set her off. Rachel was surely a trigger. Rachel, the girl she'd loved so much had become so much more now. She was a star. A world famous movie star that was impossible to ignore but she was also a constant reminder of everything she'd left behind. A reminder of who she WAS, what she would have become if she hadn't moved forward.

"Rachel you never really left me. I see you all the time. I turn on the TV and see you, I open up a magazine and I see your face." Rachel was everywhere. She, like Santana and Brittany, hadn't actually gone anywhere. She saw her constantly.

"Yeah well YOU left me. One day you were just gone. I never saw YOU."

"What I did was hurtful but I can't explain to you how hard it was. My leaving wasn't about you Rachel. I know it's too little too late but leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried all the way to the train station."

"Why? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving. Why didn't you talk to me? Why did you choose the most hurtful way possible to do what you did?"

"Rachel I was a kid. I was twenty one years old. I wasn't healthy. I needed to get healthy and I needed to move forward and I couldn't do those things with you in my life." It was a cruel truth but it was still the truth. Rachel was a constant reminder of what was wrong with her life back then.

"So it's all my fault. It's my fault I was dumped, humiliated, and had my heart crushed." Rachel shook her head with indignation. "You can't tell me that I didn't deserve better."

"I can't keep apologizing for mistakes I made when I was twenty one Rachel. I've turned my life around and so have you. We're not the same people we were back then. You have to admit it, things were bad at times."

Rachel had reminded her of the good times but she was forgetting about the bad. When things were bad they were really bad. Sex had always been their common ground, the thing that smoothed things over between them when times got tough. Towards the end they spent more time having sex than talking. They'd spend most of their time in bed making love only to climb out and find something to disagree about.

"I don't need you to tell me how bad things got. I'M the one who ended up in rehab. I'M the one who had to pull her life back together again. ME. Don't you dare talk to me about how bad things got. I've been sober for ten years Quinn, I'm left with a constant reminder of our relationship. I can't drink anymore. Tina has to monitor me so the studio's will insure me. I ruined my chances of ever doing Broadway again."

Quinn didn't know that. "What happened?"

"Well when you show up to a show crying and drunk off your ass people tend to think you're a flake. It was all I ever wanted to do Quinn. Broadway. Not Hollywood, not movies, Broadway. It's ruined for me. I HAD to go to LA. It was the only thing I ever wanted Quinn and you took it away from me."

"Rachel," Quinn said softly.

"Don't. Don't Rachel me. You didn't think about anybody but yourself when you left. You left us all behind. Your mother was heartbroken. Santana and Brittany were confused. But more than that I was crushed. I was left busted up inside and I didn't even warrant an explanation."

"Rachel it wasn't about you, you know that."

Rachel chuckled. "How the hell do I know that? You never told me. I didn't even get a dear John letter. You just left me behind. You ran off like a person making a prison break. Like I was an anchor weighing you down and you never looked back. I cried every night for weeks Quinn."

Quinn wanted to defend herself but she couldn't. No words would ever make up for what she'd done to Rachel. Poor Rachel who had been in such a good place when Quinn forced herself into the girl's life. Now she was a broken shell of the girl she used to be. Sure she had money and fame and fortune but she wasn't that same wide eyed girl who came to New York intent to take it over.

"Rachel there are things you don't know. Things I want to tell you. I want you to speak to somebody for me."

Rachel scoffed. "No. I don't owe you any favors."

"It's not just about me, it's about us both. You want answers and I have some for you."

She shook her head defiantly but Quinn knew this was all just for show. Finally she let out a loud frustrated breath and shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, it's a little late but I'll talk to this person for ME, not for you. Maybe THEY will give me the answers I deserve."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Dude that chick totally hates you," Gail said as she scribbled something down for a couple of residents standing nearby. "I mean she HATES you."

Quinn didn't need to be reminded of that. Rachel had made her thoughts very clear. Gail on the other hand seemed to be taking pleasure in the fact that Quinn had managed to so thoroughly screw something up. Quinn had made a point of not showing weakness in the hospital and Rachel had turned all of that on it's ear.

"Yeah well, I deserve it."

"What did you do exactly? I've had some bad feelings for an ex but it was never anything like that."

No need in sugar coating it. Rachel wasn't keeping any of it a secret. She was telling everyone how big of a coward and a liar she was.

"I broke her heart. I was a dumb kid who broke a girl's heart. It's hardly news worthy."

Gail nodded then turned her attention back to her residents. "You got consent from her parents?"

The taller of the two interns Dr. St. George, a tall boy with freckles and red hair, nodded. "Yes Dr. Benson."

Gail gave him a glare. "Book an OR and scrub in. This is delicate so I'm going to do most of the heavy lifting but if you manage not to piss me off in the next twenty minutes I'll see what you're made of."

Dr. St. George smiled eagerly. As an attending Fellow Gail was responsible for what her interns managed to screw up. Still she carefully weeded out the weak links and took the strongest candidates under her wing. At first Quinn assumed it was to make her own job easier but now she wasn't so sure. Gail was just as hard on her students as anybody else but her students loved her unconditionally.

Quinn was the Chief Neurosurgical resident and every doctor under her command hated her guts. Sure they respected her and did what she said but they'd never be confused as friends. Gail could often be found drinking with her interns and residents. She'd even let one of them crash on her sofa for a few days while their apartment was being fumigated.

"Go," Gail said with a dismissive wave of the hand.

"Another baby heart?" Quinn asked.

Gail shook her head. "Worse. But don't change the subject, back to your ex girlfriend. You dumped her and then what, slept with her best friend? That's totally harsh."

Sandra again. Rachel would never believe Quinn didn't sleep with Sandra. No matter what she said it would always be this thing between them. Not that Quinn blamed Rachel for not believing her. It was a cruel thing to do but it wasn't actually her doing it. Dr. Tanner said it was normal behavior for someone like her.

"I didn't sleep with her, we sexted a little bit. That's bad enough but we never actually touched each other."

Gail nodded her acceptance. "Why would you do that?"

That wasn't something she was willing to share with Gail or anybody else. Having Rachel meet with Dr. Tanner was bad enough, she wasn't about to tell Gail. She managed to keep it quiet for seven years, she wasn't about to blow it now that she had one foot out the door.

"Drinking and drugs," Quinn said nonchalantly. "Rachel and I were drunken pot heads. I made bad decisions."

"And you got to be a stoner? You had the dream childhood. Cheerleader. Teen mom. Over achiever. Glee club nerd. Stoner. Paraplegic. Now you're a doctor. You've officially made me jealous. I worked my ass off getting here. I was a total dork in high school. I had one friend, this chubby girl named Wendy who ended up being a lesbian and told me she loved me at graduation. That was the extent of my high school experience."

Quinn couldn't help but laugh. "She told you she loved you at graduation?"

Gail nodded, her eyes averting to the nurses desk. "Yep."

"What happened? What did you say?"

Gail suddenly clammed up.

"No, you don't get to keep it to yourself. Not after you've blabbed all my business around the hospital. Spill."

Gail rolled her eyes. "It was nothing actually. I told her I wasn't gay but that I was flattered. I did kiss her but it was more of a pity kiss than anything. She wrote me this email a few years ago thanking me for being so kind. She sent me a picture of her girlfriend. Totally looks just like me. That was kind of creepy."

"That was really cool of you. You don't know how bad things like that can get. Her telling you was probably the hardest thing she's ever had to do in her life and you not freaking out and humiliating her WAS extremely kind. The kiss was extra sweet. She probably fantasized about kissing you for years. It was a nice going away present."

"I don't know why she waited so long to tell me." Gail said scribbling something in a note pad.

"Because you were her only friend, and if you did freak out graduation was the perfect time to tell you because if it all went wrong you'd never see one another again and she wouldn't have to face the kids at school."

Gail laughed. "You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"No, I didn't have the guts to tell Rachel how I felt in high school. I didn't do it until much later and when I did I had other things going on. Your BFF was brave to tell you."

Gail shrugged. "I gotta go get ready for surgery. You really should go apologize to Rachel. She's totally crushed over what you did. I think she's still carrying a torch for you though."

"Yeah. She wants to use that torch to set me on fire."

Gail laughed as she grabbed her things and head off down the hallway. "Fix it. You'll feel better."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Tanner was wearing his blazer. He never wore his jacket but today he'd even brushed his usually unkempt hair. This was surely a big deal for him and Quinn suddenly considered calling it off. Tanner looked like he was about to ask for an autograph.

"Dr. Tanner I'd like you to meet Rachel Berry."

Rachel gave Tanner a skeptical look. "Who's this? Your mentor?"

"I'm Dr. Fabray's psychiatrist." Tanner said stiffly. He even sounded like he was on his best behavior.

"I can't believe you people let her cut anybody open. Let alone their brain. Did she tell you she's a pot head?" Rachel smiled proud of herself until Tanner nodded his agreement.

"She told me everything. About the drugs, the drinking. She told me quite a bit about your relationship also. The unhealthy cycle of drugs, alcohol, sex and fighting."

Rachel's arrogance seemed to fade. "She told you that?"

Tanner nodded. "Yes. We've discussed it at length." He looked over his shoulder back to Quinn who'd planted herself silently against a wall. "With Dr. Fabray's permission I want to speak to you about the Quinn you knew back then."

"Go ahead," Quinn said.

"What about her? She's still in there. Contrary to what she says she hasn't changed. A little push and she comes right back."

Tanner looked at Rachel and shoved both hands in his pants pocket. "Actually Ms. Berry that's precisely why I wanted to see you. See to become a doctor isn't the only reason she left all those years ago. Quinn actually has a condition. A condition I've been treating her for for the past seven years." This seemed to pique Rachel's interest but it was more than interest, genuine concern. Quinn would recognize it anywhere. She saw it everyday, several times a day actually when talking to patients and their loved ones.

"What condition?" Rachel asked warily.

"Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?" Tanner asked as if he weren't spilling the most intimate parts of Quinn's soul to a woman he'd never met.

Rachel's eyes moved back across the room to Quinn. Quinn could see a million questions but she didn't ask her anything. Instead she looked back at Dr. Tanner.

"Is that anything like Bipolar Disorder?" She finally asked.

Tanner gave her a half hearted shrug. "Sort of."

"Of course. Of course she's crazy. Now I can't even be angry with her without feeling guilty."

Quinn went on the defensive. "I'm not crazy. I have a condition. It's part of the reason I was the way I was. I never meant to hurt you Rachel. I didn't."

Tanner nodded diplomatically. "She likely didn't. She couldn't help herself."

Rachel seemed angry again. "So I'm not allowed to hold her responsible for ruining my life? She just gets a free pass because she has a condition." She made air quotes with her hands when she said the word condition. Seeing it made Quinn a bit angry but she didn't take the bait.

"Feel free to hold her responsible. She is responsible. Her condition doesn't absolve her of the blame it explains her behavior. If anything understand that she isn't some heartless monster who intentionally did these things to hurt you. If you want to continue to hate her that's well within your rights and you should do so without feeling a shred of guilt."

Quinn gave Tanner a curious look. What the hell was he talking about, that quack?

"It's not my fault I did those things," she said defensively.

Tanner nodded. "It isn't but you're ultimately the one who did them and ultimately you're responsible whether you did them on purpose on unwillingly. It's up to Rachel if she wants to accept your apology or not."

"This is bullshit," Quinn spat out angrily.

Rachel chuckled. "See, I told you she hasn't changed a bit."

"Dr. Fabray could you give me a moment alone to speak with Ms. Berry?"

Quinn didn't bother answering she pushed through Rachel's hospital room door and exited into the hall. She didn't need this. She didn't need any of it.

* * *

THEN: Love and other drugs.

Rachel heard the music before she even exited the stairway. The musical stylings of Snoop Dogg was blasting into the hallway out of her apartment and there was a large crowd of people standing around the door to her apartment.

She had to fight her way through the crowd to get to the door and when she stepped inside she found a rainbow coalition of degenerates drinking, smoking weed, signing, and dancing. Quinn was center stage, standing on Kurt's favorite coffee table taking a swig of a bottle of what Rachel suspected was Vodka.

_I'm the life of the party. _

"Quinn." Rachel yelled over the music.

_Now gone roll up the swisha, but don't drink all my liquor. _

"Quinn!" Rachel yelled again as she fought through the crowd.

Quinn finally noticed her and climbed off the table.

_Now everybody just FREEZE, FREEZE, FREEZE, FREEZE. Now DJ bring the music please. _

"Rachel we're having a party. Here drink this." Quinn said shoving the bottle at Rachel with such force it's contents splashed against her black leotard.

"Who are all these people? What are they doing here?" Rachel asked.

"Friends of Mario," Quinn said pulling her bottle back and taking another swig of her drink.

"Who the hell is Mario and why isn't the party at his house?"

"Mario sells me weed. He's having the party here so I qualify for the cool girl discount."

Cool girl discount? Was she serious? Mario sounded like a total sleaze. The sort of guy Quinn usually avoided at all cost. Puck had fathered her child and she still considered him riff raff.

"Quinn make them leave. If Kurt comes home and sees this he's going to freak."

She shook her head. "Problem solved. Kurt took off. He was a little bit pissed but I gave him a bag of weed and he was all set."

_A double Whammy, right before I do the Grammys, I do a show with Puff Daddy way down in south Miami. _

"Quinn," Rachel began to plead.

"Drink, up. Relax. I'll have this place looking like brand new. You won't even be able to tell what happened."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The loft was trashed, garbage strewn all over the floor, empty beer bottles sprawled around the room. Quinn hadn't cleaned. She'd simply packed up her things and went home that next morning leaving the place a mess.

Things were a mess and they only got worse when Kurt walked in. Her head was already buzzing from last night's drinking. Her eyesight was still spotty, her temples pounding. The sound of Kurt's voice, stifled rage and fury was enough to make her head worse.

"What the hell Rachel?"

"Kurt I'm sorry. I decided to have a party last night."

Kurt shook his head with obvious doubt. "I know it was Quinn. She was here last night when I got home, you were nowhere around and this reeks of that lunatic."

"Kurt could you please not talk about her that way? She's important to me."

He looked around at the mess Quinn had thoughtlessly left behind. "Does she feel the same way?"

"It won't happen again."

Kurt didn't wait around for any further explanation. "Sure."

Rachel grabbed a bottle of half finished alcohol that was sitting on Kurt's now lopsided favorite coffee table. She'd always heard that the best answer for a hangover was another drink and she needed one now.

This was absolutely thoughtless and inconsiderate. Quinn had promised to clean up after herself but she'd simply walked away from her destruction. This would surely warrant a talk. This couldn't happen again. Kurt was pretty angry. In the future Mario the weed man would have to make other plans. She took a slow swig and decided to get to work before Kurt lost his head.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"You just left. You had this huge party and you stuck me with the clean up. Who does that? You promised me that you'd clean up and you didn't."

Quinn walked over towards the window dumping her bag in it's usual corner and removing her favorite Yale sweatshirt. Rachel had been bitching at her from the moment she'd shown up and Quinn outright refused to even acknowledge her bad behavior.

"You owe Kurt an apology."

Quinn sat down on the edge of the bed and began to unlace her shoes. "I get it, what I did wasn't cool."

Rachel was suddenly stuck. It was an acknowledgement but a half assed one. It was almost as if she didn't actually care and were simply telling her what she wanted to hear. What Quinn had done had crossed nearly every boundary there was.

"Never. Ever. Do that sort of thing again."

Quinn shrugged. "Gotcha. Now come get in bed."

"Did you hear me? Ever."

Quinn tossed her shoes across the room. "Gotcha."

"Are you high? It's like five o'clock."

"It's midnight somewhere babe."

She was totally insane. Rachel could see it now. "Why are you turning into some pot head all of a sudden? What's your deal anyway? You bring some strange Mexican drug lord into my apartment and he decides he wants to throw a party. You totally trash the place and pay for it with a dime bag of weed that you give to Kurt of all people who promptly threw it away."

"Mario isn't a drug lord. He sells weed and he wanted the party in exchange for the weed. It was either throw the party or sleep with him."

"What?"

"He wanted sex, we settled on a party."

Rachel couldn't believe her ears. Was she serious? "Why not use money? Or better yet, why not decide to not get high you moron?"

"Don't call me names," Quinn said softly.

"Oh I'm sorry, does it bother you that I'm being inconsiderate?"

Quinn nodded. "Yes, it does," she said before mumbling something under her breath that sounded dangerously like arrogant bitch.

"Did you just call me a bitch you drunken ass?"

"I warned you not to call me names."

Rachel turned on her heels, "Or what, you fucking idiot? What are you gonna do, blow your hangover on me?"

She was halfway out of the room when Quinn's hand wrapped around her wrist and yanked her back towards the bed. Rachel was flat on her back when Quinn pinned her arms above her head.

"I can fuck you, or I can fuck you up. You decide." She said her voice not betraying an ounce of humor whatsoever.

Something inside her stirred. Excitement, lust, defiance, all wrapped up in one large sexual bow. "Do I look scared?"

"You will be," Quinn said before pressing their lips together.

"Bring it crack head," Rachel muffled out.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel woke up sore all over. Quinn was energetic for a drunk. They started out fighting then it switched to sex, then back to fighting. Now she was just tired. Exhausted even. Her body was sore in places that made her feel so naughty she almost blushed.

"You're awake?" Quinn asked. She was sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of tiny shorts and a matching pink tank top. She wasn't doing anything in particular, she was simply sitting there. Staring at the wall with her hands on her knees.

"Sure."

"Look about the party. I'm sorry. I didn't think it was going to be that out of control. I won't do it again. I swear. And I'll talk to Kurt. Replace his coffee table."

Rachel laughed. Quinn was sober. It seems a bunch of sex and a good night's sleep was enough to clear her head. "With what money? You traded having a party for weed."

A bottle of half drunken Vodka sat on the bedside table, it's top nowhere to be found. Rachel reached over, grabbed it, and took a sip. The clock beside the bed read 6:22am. Early. Much too early for a Saturday.

"I'll figure it out. I just wanted to let you know I was sorry."

She rested her head in her hands.

"You okay?" Rachel said between sips. It was early to be drinking but her head was pounding from the drinking she'd been doing last night and the drinking this morning would surely kill the pain.

"I'm good. I need a shower." She dropped her hands and looked over her shoulder back at Rachel. "Rach it's 6am. You're already drinking?"

Rachel slammed the bottle on the nightstand hard. "Jesus MOM. It's your bottle."

Quinn turned away. "It's early is all I'm saying. Drink if you want to drink."

"God this is only like the second time I've seen you actually sober in three months and your raging on me about YOUR booze. Here take it."

"I said it's fine," Quinn said her voice strained and annoyed.

"Wow. Gee thanks for giving me permission to live my life Quinn. While we're on the topic of bad decisions try not to pimp yourself out for a dime bag of weed anymore."

Quinn didn't respond. Sober Quinn didn't fight apparently. She sat around staring at walls making judgmental comments about everyone.

"Nice. Really nice Rachel," she finally said. It was more of an admonishment than a defense.

Rachel sighed. She was being a bitch. She knew it. It was much too early to be drinking. "I'm sorry. I'm wrong. Let's not fight. Come on back to bed. Lets get some more sleep and maybe I won't be so cranky in a few hours."

Quinn only nodded. "I'm tired. I didn't sleep good."

"What's wrong? You just said you were fine."

"I am. I just want you to hold me until I go to sleep. Can you do that for me?"

Rachel nodded confidently. "I can. I can't promise I won't fondle you in your sleep though."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

**Party Song: Life of the Party by Snoop Dogg (Because I heard it while I was writing this and it's a cool song)**

**This chapter is weird because I wanted to convey that even though we're doing what's best for us, which is totally okay BTW, our actions do have consequences for the people we love. And just because they land on their feet after we screw them over that fact doesn't let us off the hook for handling it the wrong way in the first place. Poor Rachel could handle getting dumped in my opinion (we've all been there right?) but Quinn's decision to not give her closure had lasting effects on the girl's life that she didn't even see or consider. And I think it's interesting to see the same relationship through two sets of eyes. Neither of which is being objective. **


	4. Chapter 4

Now: The Truth

Dr. Tanner stared at Quinn with smug confidence as she sat down and forced herself to look him in the eyes. She hadn't seen him since his private chat with Rachel earlier today but she was more than ready to find out what they'd spoken about. There were several questions she had that she wanted answers to.

"What happened earlier today?"

Tanner let his brow scrunch. Quinn recognized this look as his, I'm holding a secret look.

"Ms. Berry and I spoke. We spoke about you."

No crap Dr. Know it all.

"Oh really? What did she say?"

"Quinn do you remember that story growing up about The Goose that laid the Golden Egg?" He asked completely out of the blue.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well the man in the story had this steady thing, this goose that was consistent every day, he laid this golden egg like clockwork. One day he decides that he doesn't want to wait anymore. So he takes the goose, cuts it open and then poof. Nothing's inside. It's all over."

Quinn nodded. "I read that story. It's a kids story. Something about patience I would imagine."

Tanner nodded with his official face. "Yea, it is. It's about patience. But if you think about it. I mean really think about it, it's about other things too. Corruption for instance."

He was losing her. Corruption? What was that supposed to mean? "Okay, you're losing me."

"I've been thinking about your anchor. Your relationship with Rachel and your inevitable break-up, and that story came to mind."

Weirdo. "I'm still not following you."

"Don't take this the wrong way but consider for a moment that the goose is the anchor and the man is you."

Quinn shrugged. "Okay."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Tanner arched a curious eyebrow. "The man had an anchor and when he altered it, it ceased being an anchor."

A light bulb went off in her head. Son of a bitch.

"You think it's my fault don't you? You agree with her."

Tanner began to shake his head but Quinn was already on her feet and heading towards the door. "Quinn. Quinn relax."

"You think I broke her. You think I cut her open and killed her golden goose."

"That's not what I said," Tanner defended.

"But it's what you meant. It's what you're dancing around. You're trying to avoid telling me that you think it's my fault. You're supposed to be on my side."

"I'm not on your side as much as I want to see you get better. And I'm not saying this is your fault. I wanted you to see why I thought your relationship didn't work and explain to you why I didn't think it would ever work. She was your anchor and you altered that anchor by becoming involved with her. Once that happened she ceased to be an anchor and you spiraled out of control. The problem was you didn't know it, you didn't realize you were spiraling because you thought with her as your anchor you could relax, but that wasn't the case."

"It's not my fault things didn't work out. I didn't do anything wrong. I left because I needed to get better. I had to move forward and I couldn't do those things with Rachel in my life. Neither of us could, she needed me gone too."

Tanner nodded, the smug smile back on his face. "That's right. But when you left you knew it was because you weren't healthy. That you needed help. What about her? Did you think she needed help?"

Quinn shrugged. Rachel had started drinking heavily by then. It wasn't an issue because Quinn was drinking all the time and smoking pot every chance she got to level herself out. Rachel's problem was simply background noise at that point.

"Maybe?"

"Did you tell her that? Did you tell her that she needed help before you left?"

Traitor. "No. I didn't. I saved myself."

Tanner leaned comfortably back in his chair. "Now do you see why she's so angry with you? If you had told her that you had a problem, that YOU BOTH had a problem and you needed to be apart to get healthy again she would have been angry at you but that anger would have died eventually. One day she would have saw that it was true and she would have forgiven you."

This sounded like psychobabble to Quinn. Tanner always put too much stock in people's feelings and unsaid motivations. Some times he was right, other times he was grasping at straws.

"So you think she's mad because I saved myself but didn't try to save her too?"

Tanner nodded with confidence. "I think that's part of it yeah. You claimed to love her but when you realized you needed help it was every woman for herself. She not only feels abandoned, she feels betrayed. She feels that everything you ever said to her was a lie, all your professions of love, the plans you made, she thinks it was all BS. She doesn't feel any of it was real to you and it hurt her deeply. This relationship was real to her, she thought it would be permanent."

Quinn pushed herself out of her chair and shook her head. "I can't make her believe me."

"Quinn she's being discharged tomorrow. If you're going to put this behind you, you have to do it now. Today."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I put it behind me years ago Dr. Tanner."

He nodded, that knowing smile creeping back across his face. "I realize that, back then you saved yourself and moved on, leaving her to fend for herself. Don't you think it's time that you saved her now? Even if it's just to give her closure."

Psychobabble. "How?"

"I think it's time you told her the truth. The whole truth."

"Rachel hates me. If she blabs it would kill my career."

Tanner shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. You disclosing your condition to the hospital wasn't mandatory. On some level you realized you needed maintenance and you clearly didn't trust yourself to follow through without strict guidelines. The hospital for instance put these rules in place but Dr. Sofronio has never asked me about your treatments. Not once in seven years. Nobody has ever asked me if you're making your appointments, or if you're holding on okay. It's never come up."

Bullshit. "Nobody?"

Tanner shook his head. "They realize what you've known all along The rules were in place because you thought you needed them. No other reason. Quinn as long as you maintain your therapy and take your medication you should consider yourself in remission. In fact you've been in remission for a while."

"So what does this have to do with Rachel?"

Tanner shrugged. "Rachel isn't my patient. You are. Rachel Berry is in a healthy place. She's sober for ten years, she's successful, she's engaged. She's a bit of a diva but she's okay. I'm asking you to give her closure for you. So you'll let yourself off the hook."

Engaged? "Engaged to who?"

Tanner shrugged. "Some talk show host, she didn't say who but she did say they'd been together for years and that she was the first woman who didn't let her slide by on attitude." He offered a slight tilted head nod. "I think she meant since you exited her life. She needs an anchor too. We all do."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Quinn stared at the throng of burly men in leather jackets and sleeveless shirts then glanced at the faces of the heavily made up women surrounding the room. There had to fifty people crammed into the tiny waiting room. The group had been rowdy, beer was open, food everywhere, a fight had even broken out earlier. Still the moment she stepped into the room she could hear a pin drop.

"What's up doc?" A bald man with a large falcon tattooed on his forearm asked. He was the guy who had been speaking for the group since they'd arrived. Quinn could tell he was the leader of the motorcycle gang by the way the group crowded around him when he spoke.

"He's alive. We stopped the bleeding in his brain and he's stable for now. The next twenty four hours are going to be tough and he'll have to be monitored closely."

A chorus of cheers erupted in the room and Quinn suddenly wished she could stop right here.

"Still you have to understand that best case scenario he's got a long road ahead of him. Months of rehab and hospitalization. And there's a chance of loss of brain function."

The cheering stopped. "Wait are you saying he's got brain damage?"

"No, but it's possible. We have to see when he wakes up. Still, it may be good that you prepare yourselves for the possibility that your friend may not be the same person he was when he wakes up. He'll look the same, sound the same, but he may not actually be the same. I don't want to scare you but he'll need support and you said that you're his only family, well he'll need you."

The man with the tattoo nodded glumly and looked around at the rest of the guys in the room. "You guys hear that? Anything Vic needs to get back on his feet he gets." He wrapped an arm around the shoulder of a nearby woman. "Gail I'm going to clean out that bedroom in my place and when Vic comes home you and him are going to stay with me and Janet for a while. At least until we see what he's going to need."

The woman, Gail, shook her head. "That's not necessary Johnny."

Johnny, the man with the tattoo, shook the comment off. "Vic is our brother Gail, we don't pick and choose when that's important. He made a commitment to this club and we made a commitment to him. Forever." He looked back towards Quinn with a confidence she'd never before seen in friends and family of someone with head trauma. "Doc let us know, as soon as you know anything let us know."

"I will." Was all Quinn said before the bikers closed ranks again and began to talk amongst themselves.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Britt just signed an autograph for a biker," Santana said as Quinn felt a pair of hands wrap around her waist.

"Yeah, there's a bunch of them hanging around. An accident."

Santana rested her chin on Quinn's shoulder. "Beth wants to see you. She knows how busy you are but she came a long way and she wants to speak to you."

Quinn had been thinking about this moment since Rachel had flown her out. Beth, beautiful Beth. Quinn hadn't seen her since she was in diapers but she was almost an adult now. Quinn could still remember the last time she'd held the girl in her arms and kissed her tiny forehead. Now she was seventeen. A lifetime had passed. Her whole lifetime.

"Where is she?"

"Here," the voice said softly. "I'm right here. I was wondering if you had a minute."

Of course she had a minute. She had seventeen years worth of missed minutes.

"All the time you need," Quinn said without turning around. "Nurse if anybody needs me I'm going to be in the cafeteria."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Look I totally don't want to like move into your spare bedroom or anything. I was just curious you know. I hear all these stories at McKinley about Quinn Fabray. Coach Sylvester has your uniform hanging up in her office encased in glass. There's a picture of you, aunt Santana, and aunt Brittany on her desk right next to the picture of her daughter. Then there's a photo of you in Glee club with the Nationals trophy." She leaned across the small cafeteria table and began to whisper. "Having to see you everyday and not knowing anything about you except for what Coach Sylvester says is a little weird. And I thought you were dead. I mean we all did. Aunt Santana said you were buried in Potter's Field."

Honey who'd invited herself along for Quinn and Beth's reunion shook her head. "We looked it up on the internet and it's totally not a real place. We were gonna go see you, plant some flowers or something."

Quinn did her best to ignore Honey. She seemed a bit of an airhead but harmless enough. She was surely the sidekick in their duo. Beth was likely the ring leader. Like mother like daughter. Beth had probably made Honey tag along for emotional support. It almost hurt that Beth felt she needed support in order to see her but the reality was she didn't know anything about Beth. Not anymore. They were strangers.

"I'm alive. I'm a doctor."

Beth nodded. She looked so much like Quinn it was eerie. She could see so much of herself in the girl. Bits of her and traces of Puckerman around the edges. Seeing her was surreal. When Shelby warned her to stay away from her and Beth she walked away and forced herself not to look back.

"I noticed. And you're pretty bad ass around here. I heard this old guy with bushy eyebrows talk about how good you are at your job. They wanted you to stick around now that you didn't actually have to stay anymore but they all knew you wouldn't."

Old guy with bushy eyebrows? Dr. King.

"If you don't want my spare bedroom, what do you want? Not that it's not good to see you."

Half the room was watching her, they'd been doing so all day. Now sitting around chatting with Beth she could see them whispering amongst themselves. Her life was suddenly center stage now. Half the hospital was talking about her, snooping around her life. She certainly couldn't stay now. A few days ago you couldn't have gotten any of them to talk to her, now everybody was her best friend.

"That's the thing. I just wanted to meet you, ask some questions. You know, like why? Do you regret it? Do you miss me? That sort of thing. And I wanted to ask you a question. A favor more like."

The barrage of questions was stinging her brain. Of course she missed her, of course she thought about her, every day. Those were silly questions but the sort of silly questions people needed answered.

"Of course I miss you. I gave you away because I was only a kid. You're seventeen. Can you imagine getting pregnant two years ago? I was scared. Terrified even, and my parents threw me out of the house. I was homeless. I had nothing to give you but my love and that wasn't going to be enough for either of us."

Beth didn't seem to respond to any of it. "I see your mom all the time. She knits me stuff. Sweaters and scarves. I have like a dozen of them. She comes to all my Cheerio's stuff. Glee club performances, never misses anything. She's around more than my mom. It's kind of weird but I get it. She misses you and I look like you. Besides I like having a grandma."

Honey chirped in. "She called her that once and your mom started to cry."

Quinn missed her mother. She had always done her best. More so AFTER she left her father. She worked and tried to be a good mother. Something about her had always seemed distant though. Once Quinn left for college things got even more strained. They went weeks without talking, then months. Leaving and not calling anymore didn't seem like a big deal at the time. Now it just seemed cruel. As cruel as leaving Rachel behind.

"Is she okay?"

Beth shrugged, a hand brushing her blonde hair behind her ear. "She's okay. A little sad but I go see her all the time. Have lunch with her, stuff like that."

"So she's healthy?"

Beth nodded. "She's okay. I met your sister Frannie a few times. She's nice enough but I think I give her the creeps."

That wasn't a shocker. Frannie was always a bit standoffish and she'd been one of her biggest critics when she got pregnant. Now that they all assumed she was dead Frannie was likely too embarrassed to get to know Beth.

"So what's this favor?"

"A recommendation. I'm applying to Yale and I was wondering if you'd have a huge problem with me name dropping you."

"You're going to Yale?"

"If she can get in. We learned they got this thing called Legacy. If your parents got in and your grades are good and stuff, you can get in super easy."

Legacy. Of course. "Sure. Use it. Name drop me all you want. I went to Stanford for Medical School too, you can go there if you want."

"Is it cool being a doctor?"

Quinn nodded. "It's cool. It was a lot of hard work. It took me fifteen years to get here but I'm finally to the place I want to be. I have a few weeks here before I leave to start a new job."

"Oh yeah? Where you moving to?"

Good question. She was going to have to answer those job offers ASAP. She'd always wanted to go back to New York. She'd told herself it was home but that was a lie. She wanted to move back to New York because she'd read in the tabloids that Rachel was living in New York. It was crazy. She saw that now, Rachel hated her, and was engaged. She would never have anything else to do with her romantically and Quinn could hardly blame her.

She pinched herself under the table to bring her back to reality. She and Rachel had been bad for one another. It was obvious. Drugs, drinking, sex and fighting. A vicious circle. Still Rachel was right about what she'd said earlier. Things weren't always bad. When they were good, they were really good.

"I haven't decided yet. I was thinking New York but something about LA seems like fun. The weather was always awesome there. And your aunt Santana and aunt Brittany are there."

"And Puck and uncle Jake. They're there too," Beth added.

"And Artie Abrams. The director. My aunt Sugar said he's a genius."

Artie. Quinn had forgotten all about Artie. She'd seen his name mentioned in the credits of a few movies over the years and was happy he'd managed to make a life for himself. He wasn't a power broker by any stretch of the imagination but Rachel had thrown him a bone and worked on one of his Indie films. It had won her an Oscar and garnered Artie some serious juice. He'd never be Steven Spielberg but he had a beautiful wife, cute kids and money in the bank. In all he was probably happy.

"You should totally go to LA," Beth said with a nod. "It's not cool being here all by yourself. It's one thing to leave so you could be a doctor. I suppose you didn't want the distractions. It's another to just be alone someplace with no family around. I mean if you go to California when I go visit Puckerman I can see you too. We can hang out sometimes."

Quinn's heart skipped a beat. Hang out? She wanted to hang out. In California. Sold!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel shook her head. "She's just a kid. She's a kid who wants to get to know her birth mother Quinn. You can't just pop back up in her life like it's nothing. When you disappear again it's going to crush her."

Disappear again? Where was she going?

"I'm not going anyplace. Besides, YOU brought her here, you should have thought of it then."

Rachel shook her head. "I'm calling Shelby."

Beth cut her off. "Mom knows. I told her already. She's cool with it."

"Totally cool," Honey added.

Santana and Brittany were sitting on the sofa across the room, their camera man tucked discreetly in a corner. Rachel had put on makeup this morning and had done her hair. She was still in her hospital pajama's and was lying comfortably in bed but the camera crew was clearly no surprise. She often popped up on Santana and Brittany's reality show. She was rarely on for more than a few minutes but it was always a huge deal when she was on.

"She does know Rachel, I was there when Beth told Shelby Quinn was here. She's cool with it. I couldn't drag the kid halfway across the country without her mom knowing the whole story. Especially with the way she feels about Quinn."

The way she feels about Quinn. Like she's one to judge. What would the world think about Saint Shelby if she blurted out she'd fooled around with Puck when she was a teacher at McKinley? She'd be ruined. And NOW people would listen when she said it. Quinn was a respected surgeon. Shelby was a Glee club coordinator and single mother. She'd be crucified.

"I don't give two shits how she feels about me. I promised myself that I wouldn't go looking for Beth but if she came looking for me I'd do anything I can to make her a part of my life. If that means moving to California so be it. Besides you guys are my family. I can't pick and choose when that's important."

Rachel was still defiant. "You can't just show up back into our lives and turn everything upside down."

"Who the hell are YOU to tell me anything Rachel? I didn't show up in your life, you showed up in mine and now that you're here you have to deal with me. So quit acting like your Hollywood bullshit is going to pull some sort of imaginary weight with me."

Rachel bit her bottom lip, doing her best to fight back a smirk. Once again when faced with Quinn's dark side instead of getting angry she seemed to be amused.

"Look at her. The hotshot doctor. See how much she's changed everybody? See how different she is? All that crazy attitude she used to throw at us, it's in the past. She's not the same person now. She's grown up."

Quinn felt her face become flushed. Rachel was right. She hadn't changed. She was right back to the place she'd started. Her temper was getting the best of her. Her attitude and her passion taking over for her common sense.

"Everybody I'm sorry." Rachel wasn't going to stop. This wasn't going to end. There was too much damage done, too much pain and hurt caused she had to come clean. "When I left town without saying goodbye it hurt all of you. It was wrong and it was cruel and it was inconsiderate, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, from the bottom of my heart. And I want all of you to forgive me."

"I totally forgive you," Honey said from her spot against the wall.

Quinn fought back the urge to roll her eyes. "Thank you Honey."

"Are you kidding me, what you've done is awesome. I mean, you're a brain surgeon, and now that you're moving to LA you can like totally make it up to us." Santana planted a hand on Brittany's lap and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"Yeah, we have like six bedrooms and we only use two. Duke Ellington doesn't even sleep in his bed so it's actually like one. Then again we're going to be using one more so I guess it's still like two," Brittany said before drifting off into the ever present la-la land she spent most of her time in.

Santana ignored her rambling about Britt's new cat, Duke Ellington. Her beloved Lord Tubbington had finally passed away a few years back and Britt quickly replaced him with another cat. As big of an airhead as she was naming the cat Duke Ellington as a tribute to Lord Tubbington was extremely clever.

"Either way we have plenty of room so you can stay with us if you need a place to crash. It's in Beverly Hills, we have a pool, two Puckermans, a bunch of cars and a cat. You can take some time finding your own place, save up some money. We totally forgive you."

"Totally," Brittany added.

Beth offered up a nod of her own. "I forgive you. I'd do the same thing. I looked up your job on Wikipedia and it's totally harsh. Plus there's a guy on Youtube who said that if you make one mistake, just one, you can like blind somebody. Oh and I seen an episode of this show called Grey's Anatomy on the old people TV channel where this chick named Lexie tried to take some girl's tumor out and she screwed up and the chick totally couldn't talk anymore."

"No she could talk but it was only gibberish. It was totally harsh," Honey said with her teenage confidence.

"Old people TV?" Santana said offended. "Britt and I used to love that show in high school."

Beth and Honey gave one another knowing looks. "Right and you're totally not old aunt Santana."

"Totally not. You're like five years younger than my mom," Honey said with a confident nod.

Quinn could see that didn't make Santana feel any better.

"So it's settled. I'm accepting the job in California."

Rachel shook her head. "Sure do whatever you want to do. Accept any job you want. You always do."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Everybody can I have a moment alone with Rachel. There's something I want to say to her in private."

Rachel laughed. "There are quite a few things I want to say to you too."

* * *

Then: A little problem

Rachel downed the last of the bottle and stared emptily at the TV. Quinn had been asleep for hours after drinking half the bottle of Vodka Smirnoff leaving Rachel to finish the other half. She'd been watching TV for what felt like a few minutes but had actually been a few hours, when Kurt came in.

"Rachel," he chided. He was starting to become a huge buzz kill lately. He complained about everything.

"Hey Kurt, how was school?"

"WORK was fine. Have you gotten up today? Left the house? Or did you guys spend all day drinking again?"

Rachel looked around. "We mixed it up."

Kurt looked around. "How did the chair get broken?"

The chair. She'd broken it when Quinn implied her ass was getting flabby. "It was old."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You two had another fight I guess."

"It wasn't a fight as much as a disagreement. Quinn disparaged my body, which is total nonsense since we spend most of our time in bed having sex. By the way she climbs on top of me every time she sees me you'd think I was a supermodel."

"Should you still be drinking?"

Rachel looked over at the empty bottle. "I'm not drinking."

"Any more," Kurt said picking up the bottle and inspecting it. "Is this new?"

"It's old," Rachel defended. It wasn't technically a lie. All empty bottles were old.

"Rach is it time we talked about this path you're headed down?"

"What path?"

"THIS path," he said giving the empty liquor bottle a shake. "You're doing a lot of drinking lately."

"I'm fine Kurt really. I just need to take the edge off every once in a while. It's not a problem. I can quit anytime I want."

He nodded diplomatically. "Do me a favor and stop drinking for a few weeks. If you do that I'll never bring it up again."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Fine. Because you've been such a good roommate."

Kurt smiled with satisfaction and walked towards the kitchen to discard the empty bottle. "I'm going to Blaine's tonight so you and Quinn have the place to yourselves. Try not to break anything."

"No promises," Rachel said.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah," Rachel screamed in ectasy.

Quinn forced herself off of Rachel and sat her naked body at her lovers side. Rachel knew this look. It was Quinn's sober look. She'd been unusually quiet today and from what Rachel could tell it was because she'd refused all drugs and alcohol all weekend.

"What? We're having fun right?"

Quinn simply stared. Rachel could feel something coming. Drunken Quinn was much more relaxed and a lot more open to speak her mind, damn the consequences. Sober Quinn danced around everything like Mike Chang.

"Quinn, don't. Don't ruin our night. We're having a good time. All I needed was a drink and for you to make me come and now that I got both I can go to bed happy."

"Maybe we should cool down on the drinking Rachel."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about? I'm not drunk."

Quinn nodded her agreement. "I know that. I didn't say you were. I'm just saying that maybe we should cool it. I mean we drink every weekend. It's not healthy right?"

"God you sound just like Kurt. I told him I'd stop drinking and all of a sudden he's like my dads. He's watching me like a hawk, smelling my breath. If he wasn't out of town he'd be hassling me about this too. One little drink all weekend and all of a sudden you guys are both treating me like I'm an alcoholic."

"I didn't say that. I didn't say anything like that. I didn't say anything about you having a problem."

That was true, she hadn't. She'd implied as much but she technically hadn't said it. It wasn't quite the same thing. Then again she was only looking for a loophole.

"Fine. What ARE you saying?" She asked. Quinn was still sitting naked on her calves and for good measure Rachel sat upright and looked her in the eyes. Her sex buzz was already gone. Only sober Quinn could ruin an orgasm.

"Nothing, that we drink and get high all the time."

Rachel shook her head. "YOU get high. I drink."

"You get high too. You're the one who always calls Mario."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Quinn always missed the point. "Yeah so we can score your weed before it gets too late and you end up wandering around this neighborhood in the middle of the night. This isn't Lima. I don't want you getting snatched off the sidewalk by The Son of Sam Jr."

Quinn simply sighed. "Well I don't want to be this girl anymore. I need to slow down. I see myself doing these crazy things and it's like I have no control over it. It's like I'm two people sometimes and they hate each other's guts. I want to stop smoking, I want to do something bigger with my life. I think I was meant to do more. All the stuff I've been through, being a teenage mother, the accident, ending up in a wheelchair, I want to do something great with my life. I was meant to."

Rachel nodded. This was THAT speech, Quinn's I'm better than this speech. This was her go to sober attitude. I need more out of life than smoking weed and drinking every night. Rachel never knew what the girl wanted to hear. The speech took several different forms. School, drinking, weed, relationship. Either one would creep it's head up on a whim and force Rachel to deal with her girlfriend's fractured psyche. She'd long since stopped trying to decipher the speech's meaning, she'd graduated to empty platitudes and sex to calm Quinn's nerves.

"Hey, hey look at me." Rachel said reaching out and stroking her girlfriend's cheek. "I love you. You love me. If there were something wrong with us we'd know it right. We handle our business. You're doing well in school, and so am I. Our relationship is stronger than ever right?"

Quinn nodded evenly. "Yeah."

"Well relax. Relax and let me take your mind off this. You're just high strung baby. You need the weed to level you off just like I need the alcohol to level me off. There's nothing wrong with it."

Rachel pulled away from Quinn and snatched an already rolled joint off her nightstand. "Here, smoke this and it'll make you feel better. You'll feel a lot better in a while. You just need a buzz. We both do." She passed the joint off to Quinn and slid a Bic lighter across the sex mussed bed. Quinn didn't stop to think, she slid the joint between her lips and lit up. For good measure Rachel took a long swig of her bottle letting the taste and strong liquid sweep her senses into a tight ball then release all at once.

"We'll be fine." she said her voice and demeanor already altered. "We just need to relax."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I'm not your roommate Queer Boy, I won't hesitate to kick your ass!" Quinn said poking Kurt in the chest hard with her finger. She was clearly high as a kite. Sober Quinn was always nice to Kurt.

"Quinn you both have a problem. Your both drinking nonstop and this place always smells like weed. I came home last weekend and found two empty vodka bottles in the trash. And that was BEFORE you came down for the weekend. Now I don't care what you do to yourself but Rachel is my friend. My best friend and I need to help her. I know what she needs and it's to stop drinking."

Quinn laughed. "YOU know what she needs? I know what she needs." Quinn stuck her tongue out at Kurt and gave it a perverted wiggle. "That's what she needs," she said afterwards with a smirk that forced a smile to Rachel's face.

"Hey you two stop fighting. What's the matter with you?" She said forcing her most serious face.

"She needs to go home. She's a bad influence on you Rachel and you're not the same person when she's around," Kurt said angrily. Rachel had sensed he'd lost his patience with Quinn long ago but was trying to be a good roommate and keep it to himself. Apparently that was out the window.

"Kurt, Quinn is my girlfriend. She didn't mean that whole queer boy thing."

Quinn nodded like a juvenile. "Sure I did."

Kurt gave her a juvenile look of his own. "Says the girl who just bragged about giving her GIRLFRIEND head." Quinn's response was to give Kurt the middle finger.

"Look you guys need a time out. Both of you."

Kurt shook his head with what Rachel thought was disappointment but turned out to be something much worse.

"You know what, you're right. I'm going to be staying a Blaine's for a few weeks. You two figure out whatever it is you're doing. When you decided to climb out of your bottle let me know and I'll be here for you like I always am. But until that moment I can't do this anymore Rachel. I have to leave."

Rachel nodded not realizing the implication of what he was saying. "Sure, sure, take a few days at Blaine's and we'll talk about this later. It'll be totally fine you'll see." Kurt rolled his eyes and Rachel realized when he walked away that she had booze on her breath.

**One Chapter after this one. I know this story has been dark and weird but I did warn you!**


	5. Chapter 5

Now: Cold Hard Truth-(Rachel)

Rachel held her breath as everyone filed out of her hospital room. Quinn was standing, leaning up against the wall staring at her with her typical blank expression, her hair was shiny and perfect, her eyes glowing brightly under the fluorescent light. She looked so good, so beautiful, she couldn't imagine how she'd survived these past few years without being able to look into that face.

"Do you need anything to drink? Are you thirsty?" Quinn asked the question out of the blue. Her face was stone cold and emotionless, devoid of any clue as to what was going on in her mind. Rachel wasn't thirsty but couldn't decide whether or not to take her up on the offer. Was it some kind of trick? Some medical thing?

"Should I be?"

Quinn shrugged. "How the hell should I know?"

Rachel gave her a playful scowl intent on keeping the mood light. Quinn was notoriously grouchy but Rachel had always found it a bit endearing. She was like a moody kitten who longed to be scratched but quickly grew tired of being touched. If things got too heavy the old Quinn retreated behind weed and alcohol. The old Rachel always joined her.

That Rachel was gone though. The old Quinn had killed them both when she'd walked out the door and didn't return all those years ago. Rachel had been hurt, extremely hurt but contrary to what she said she understood Quinn's leaving. Things were bad. Really bad and only getting worse. The worst part about all of it was the rejection. The realization that Quinn felt she could have a better life without Rachel in it. The drinking was bad then but it got worse those first few weeks. She'd climbed into a bottle and didn't come out until her fathers tossed her into a ice cold bath and dragged her to alcohol rehab.

"No, I don't want anything to drink. What is it you want to say exactly Quinn? Another apology, because if so I have to tell you that your half assed excuses aren't going to cut it."

Quinn simply rolled her beautiful eyes. Rachel's heart melted a bit but she didn't let on. She held firm. Smiling and batting her eyes was only going to lead to her getting hurt again.

"I heard you were engaged."

Engaged. Hardly. She couldn't believe he'd told her about Ceci. That damn traitor of a doctor. She'd told him about her in confidence and he blabbed it to Quinn the first chance he got. What an asshole. Weren't shrinks supposed to be able to keep secrets?

"What's it to you?"

Quinn walked over to the bed, her eyes staring at Rachel without shifting. Rachel felt that familiar twinge in her gut. The feeling she used to get when she was just a girl, the feeling that made her heart quicken whenever Quinn was near.

"I want to know. I heard she's an aerobics instructor."

Rachel scoffed. An aerobics instructor? Hadn't that doctor listened to anything she'd said?

"A TV host actually. And we aren't engaged as much as we're talking about moving in together." Rachel shook her head suddenly curious why Quinn even cared. "What do you care? I wasn't good enough for YOU but somebody wants to be with me. Some people think I'm pretty special."

Quinn's face finally showed some emotion. "Is that what you think? That I didn't want you? I wanted you. I wanted you so badly. More than anything." She reached out and grabbed Rachel's hand. It was just like old times. It was the first time they'd touched in a decade but it brought all those familiar feelings crashing back. A swarm of butterflies erupted in her stomach but she steeled her nerves and put her game face on.

"What else would I think? You ran off to save yourself and you left me behind. I was alone, and I was scared, and you weren't there. You were here, in Pittsburgh."

"I had to leave you. It wasn't safe for you. I wasn't safe for you. Dr. Tanner told me that I should tell you why I left. The real reason."

"So you could be a doctor. I know."

Quinn shook her head. "No, you don't know. That weekend we spent together. Our last one. I was saying goodbye."

"You did a pretty shitty job of it. You just walked out on me with no warning, no."

"Rachel will you shut up for a minute," Quinn said cutting her off.

Rachel wanted to fight back but she couldn't help but smile. Angry Quinn was, and always would be, a turn on. Her take charge attitude was always the thing Rachel had found most appealing about her. Seeing her angry was like a rush of sexual adrenaline shoved into her veins.

"Fine Ms. Bossy Pants."

Quinn wasn't smiling, her face was back to it's default setting, cold indifference.

"I was saying goodbye. I was in a bad place Rachel. My condition was running my life, ruining my life. I had turned into someone I didn't recognize. It made me do things that I wouldn't normally do. I equate it with having an evil alter ego. She loved you as much as I did but neither of us knew what to do with our feelings for you. I wanted to get as far away from you as I could, so I could protect you from me. She wanted to lock you in a closet and only pull you out when she wanted to play. We both loved you but I realized what we were doing to you was wrong."

She pulled her hand away and for the first time since she'd walked back into her life Rachel could see the pain all this had caused her. All those years apart she'd assumed Quinn was someplace living her dreams, having fun, laughing and loving without her. Seeing her face here and now was sobering. It was painful for the both of them.

"I just realized what I did to you. Just today. You were fine, happy, successful, chasing your dreams, and I came into your life and wrecked it all. Back then I knew I wasn't exactly the best influence on you but I didn't realize I was killing your golden goose."

What? "You killed a goose?"

Quinn's serious face faltered just for a second as she rolled her eyes playfully. "God you're such an airhead."

"Me! You're the one killing geese you psycho."

Quinn bit her bottom lip fighting back a smile but Rachel was already regretting the words. Quinn had an illness. Calling her a psycho was not only mean it was insensitive. She knew she was supposed to treat her the same way she always had but that seemed like it crossed the line.

She decided to throw the girl a bone. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you were having problems. I was drinking really heavily back then and although I still think what you did was total and complete cowardly bullshit, I realize you may not have been in your right mind."

"I wasn't. That weekend I was saying goodbye. I was leaving but I didn't plan on going to medical school. Now I'm going to preface this by saying I was having a bad episode. I hadn't gotten my condition under control and the weed was just turning into a bad habit by that point."

Rachel could tell by the look on her face that what Quinn was saying was hard. It wasn't at all what she'd expected. She'd expected more lame excuses and apologies but not THIS. Surely not THIS.

"Wait you weren't going to hurt yourself were you?"

Quinn offered a shy half shrug. "I wasn't in my right mind."

Rachel sat up, too quickly, bringing a quick stab of pain to her belly which she grabbed with a groan.

Quinn reached over and gently guided her back down to the bed. She'd gone from old friend and lover to doctor in record time. "Are you okay? How's your pain?" Her hand was pressed gently against Rachel's belly. Her fingers were brushing lightly against her skin. Her touch sent a chill through Rachel's body. The familiar feeling of passion and need rushed through her. It had been years since she felt the touch, the need. She quickly swatted Quinn's hand away.

"Don't touch me. You gave away that right years ago."

Quinn rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away. "Rachel how long are you going to punish me? I said I was sorry."

"Birds fly, squirrels bury nuts."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, so what. You want my forgiveness, fine. You're forgiven. Is that what you've been waiting for all this time? A way to make yourself feel better for hurting me. A way to help yourself sleep at night. Fine you've got it."

Quinn stared. "I thought about you. Everyday. When I left I wanted to bring you with me so badly. But we both know I couldn't. I was going to hurt myself Rachel. I had already hurt you. Not physically," she shrugged. "At least not any more than usual. I hurt you emotionally. I took something that was beautiful and I turned you into this. You're angry. Furious with me, even after all this time. I know why you hate me, but you have to let go of it. I was broken Rachel. Terribly broken, so broken that I broke you too. I can't leave you like this again. I won't leave you broken again."

Rachel snickered. It was exactly what she'd wanted to hear. Just ten years too late. "Who says I need YOU to help me? I'm fine. I have Ceci. She takes care of me and she'd never run off without saying goodbye."

"Does she love you?"

"Of course."

"Do you love her?"

Rachel sighed as she leaned back into her pillow. "I'm curious, why do you care?"

"My leaving doesn't mean I didn't love you. I left because I loved you. I was going to kill myself Rachel. I was standing on the Brooklyn Bridge ready to jump. I was a drunken pot head with a mental disorder. I was in no position to be in a relationship and being with you wasn't fair to either of us. It was cruel because I was never going to be able to give you what you needed. Do you know I wrote you a note? This long rambling thing that explained why I was doing what I was doing. The truth was though I had to save us both. And if I had told you that I was leaving you would have asked me to stay and I would have stayed. I would have stayed and the both of us would still be in the loft getting high and getting drunk. At least we would have until I got so low that I actually worked up the nerve to jump."

Rachel finally let her scowl fade. "If you had told me what you were going through, I would have helped you. What you did was selfish because you chose to go through it alone. You aren't alone. You never were. And leaving me to go run off and start over makes sense. But if you had told me that you were going to medical school and moving to California, I would have packed my bags and went with you."

"I know. That's why I left. I didn't want you to lose your dreams," Quinn explained.

"I lost them anyway. None of them meant anything. The only dream that I lost that I missed, really missed, was my dream of a life with you."

The door to the room pushed open and the doctor who'd performed Rachel's operation stepped inside. She wanted to scream. Finally she was getting someplace with Quinn and this damn appendix was going to ruin it.

"Dr. Fabray, always good to see you." The skinny doctor with the brown hair said with her phony smile. She was a pretty little thing. Perky and happy and doing her best to seem nonchalant. Rachel hated her immediately. She'd asked Tina to have her pulled off the surgery in favor of Quinn but Tina assured her that Quinn didn't do this sort of operation. She probably could Tina assured her but it was like hiring a mechanical engineer to build a house out of popsicle sticks.

"Dr. Zurich," Quinn said with disinterest.

"I was wondering if I'd see you sometime today." Dr. Zurich said with a smile that made Rachel want to punch her. Was she flirting?

"Why? I was in surgery," Quinn said, totally clueless.

Dr. Zurich shook her head. "I was wondering if you'd eaten today. I wanted to pick your brain about something."

"What?" Quinn asked with interest. She was so helplessly clueless that Rachel couldn't help but smile.

Rachel stared at the pretty young doctor, doing her best to make her as uncomfortable as possible. Unfortunately the young doctor had no shame. "I think she wants to have sex with you," Rachel blurted out as crude as possible.

Quinn's face turned a bright red and she shoved her hands in her white lab coat and bolted from the room.

"Is she always so shy?" The doctor asked as she watched Rachel leave.

"Can you try and get laid on your own time? Am I getting out of here tomorrow or what?"

* * *

Then: The Long Goodbye (Quinn)

Quinn's heart was pounding when she stepped into Rachel's loft. Rachel was stretched out across her sofa asleep. Her left leg and arm both hanging freely over the side, her mouth was wide open and a bottle of half empty alcohol sat still opened on the floor near her head.

"Damnit Rachel, stomach. Sleep on your stomach," Quinn said shoving the door closed with her foot and rushing over to Rachel and giving her body a shove laying her onto her side. As much as she drank Quinn still found it strange how much of a novice she was about keeping herself safe.

"Stop it jerk, I'm trying to sleep."

"Don't sleep on your back after you've been drinking Rachel. It's not safe."

Rachel made a disapproving sound with her mouth.

"We need to talk," Quinn started. She'd been dreading this conversation for weeks but it was time. Now was finally the time.

"No. No talking. Let's go to bed. I've missed you and I feel like I'm bursting at the seems. So take off that shirt, those pants, and I'll pull the rest off with my teeth." She said playfully.

Sex. Rachel settled all of their issues with sex. That wasn't fair, she was just as guilty as Rachel. Sex was their common ground, their go-to mode. She had so many things to say before she left, so much to get off her chest before this weekend ended. It was important to share with Rachel exactly what she had to say, before. Well, before, the weekend ended.

"Fine. Let's go to bed. But we really need to talk afterwards."

Rachel was already pulling herself off the sofa, her arm instinctually reaching for her half empty vodka bottle. She nodded a confident reply.

"Sure, we'll talk. We'll talk afterwards."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Quinn loved the way Rachel tasted. A mixture of salty sweat and passion. She wasn't sure how long they'd been in bed or how long she'd had her face buried between Rachel's thighs but she'd promised herself she wasn't pulling away until Rachel begged. Rachel was being defiant. She wasn't begging and Quinn wasn't going to stop. She was panting, and screaming Quinn's name, and grabbing a fist full of her hair, but she wasn't begging.

She didn't back off, she ran her tongue the length of Rachel's sweet spot, her two fingers slipping in and out rhythmically matching the gentle flicks of her tongue. Rachel's hips finally jerks, her breathing becoming erratic.

"Okay, okay," she began to plead. "You have to stop. You're going to break me."

Quinn let herself smile. Finally, she thought as she pulled away. She rested on the edge of the bed using her palms to wipe her damp mouth clean. Rachel was so much fun. A dirty little minx. She wasn't going to give this up. She was being crazy. She couldn't go anywhere.

"I was thinking we should take a trip," she blurted out. "I'm graduating soon, I was thinking we should go someplace fun. Someplace like London. Or Paris."

Rachel wrapped two arms around her naked shoulders. "We don't have any money. We have to find jobs, make money. You know, grown up things. How did your job fair go?"

The smell of alcohol was fading from Rachel's breath, she was sobering up. The idea of a sober Rachel was depressing. She was clingy and serious when she was sober, who needed that?

"I don't want to talk about that stupid job fair. I have other plans." She pulled out of Rachel's arms and tracked down her liquor bottle. She took a swig and shoved it at Rachel with urgency. "Here drink. We aren't done yet."

Rachel obeyed with very little prodding taking a long swig and passing the bottle back to Quinn who simply denied it. "Keep it. We should get back into bed."

"Quinn you have to give me a moment to catch my breath. Give my body a break."

Quinn shook her head. "What about our trip?"

"I don't have any money."

"I'll put in on my credit card. Come on don't be a party pooper. We can pack a bag and go right now."

Rachel's eyes widened. "We can't go now. Maybe we can go in a few months. We can start planning for it."

Quinn shook her head. "No, a few months is too late. We have to do it NOW." She was across the room before Rachel could ask what was wrong and was out of the room just as quickly.

Rachel didn't understand. She wasn't going to be any fun at all. Now Rachel's sexy friend Sandra, she looked like lots of fun. Quinn walked naked through the apartment and tracked down her cell phone.

Sandra had always been a bit flirty and once when Rachel was being a drag she'd let Quinn feel her up. Actually things had gone a lot further, she'd gone so far as to get the girl's shirt off before Kurt came home and spoiled everything. She'd been texting Quinn ever since, asking to see her, hoping to get into her pants. Well mission accomplished slutty friend. Mission accomplished.

_Tell me what you want me to do to you. _Quinn sent to her. _Show me what I'll get if I come over. _

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Who is that? Who do you keep texting?" Rachel asked clearly annoyed.

Rachel was totally drunk now and Quinn liked this Rachel. Drunk Rachel was angry, fun. "None of your business. Quick acting like you own me. If you don't want to go on a trip with me you don't get to ask me questions."

Rachel slugged her hard in the arm. "Don't talk to me like I'm just some whore you're banging on the side. When you talk to me speak to me with respect or I'll kick your ass."

Quinn held in her smile. "You won't do anything."

"I swear I will, I'm not kidding."

"I'm shaking in my boots," Quinn teased before Rachel grabbed a fist full of her blonde hair and tugged hard.

"Ow, jackass."

"I'm not kidding, don't treat me like I'm just some chick."

Quinn nodded with a smile. She sat up on the bed and turned to face Rachel with a smile tossing her phone onto the night stand. "You're not just some chick. You're my chick."

Rachel's anger fell away, her smile creeping back across her face. "Am I?"

"Yeah, you know you're my girl. I'll never do anything to hurt you."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Fine. Come to bed and I'll give you a present."

"I already unwrapped that present."

"I don't care, it's yours, you can play with it whenever you want," Rachel teased.

Now this seems like fun. This is the Rachel she wanted to see. The Rachel who made her laugh and made her want to lock herself in the loft all weekend. She couldn't leave. At least not without Rachel. Maybe she'd want to go to California too. She hadn't told Rachel about medical school but there was acting in California too. There was even American Idol and The Voice. Rachel could win one of those shows easy. This could totally work.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Quinn stared at herself in the mirror then looked down at the razor gripped firmly in her hand. It would be too messy. Way too messy, and besides Rachel would find her. Rachel couldn't be the one to find her. That would be cruel. She had to do something where they never found her. Or at the very least a stranger did. Somebody who wouldn't be kept up at night with images of her burned into their brain for the rest of their lives.

She blinked slowly and shoved the razor blade back into the medicine chest and breathed heavy. This was a terrible idea. Away. Someplace far away from here would be better. Much better. The pain wasn't going away and this was the only way she could think to end it. This painful hurtful thing.

"Quinn if you're not too busy we need more weed."

More weed. Rachel was a total pot head. She'd done THAT too. Broken Rachel. Rachel was perfect the way she was. Beautiful and perfect. Quinn had come along and turned her into an alcoholic pot head. She barely left the house, had lost Kurt, and managed to alienate all of her other friends. She was drinking way too much now and when she left Rachel could go back to being the Rachel that would take over Broadway. The Rachel she'd always envisioned herself to be.

"Rachel," she said as she stepped out of the bathroom. Rachel was sitting on the floor and she offered Quinn an interested gaze.

"What's up?" Rachel asked.

Tell her, Quinn reasoned. Just tell her. Rachel would understand. She'd help. She'd be more than happy to help. Rachel loved her.

No. No this wasn't Rachel's problem. It was her problem and she was tired of fighting. The weed wasn't even helping anymore. There wasn't anything else for her to do. Nothing for her to say, she had to leave. For Rachel's sake as much to end her own pain.

"Nothing, I'll go get the weed."

She ducked back into the bathroom and got dressed then emerged with determination. If this was goodbye she could at least make it a good goodbye. She knelt down beside Rachel and kissed her. A long drawn out kiss that said all the things she was too afraid to say.

"What's that for?" Rachel asked.

"For everything. I love you so much, you know that don't you? More than words can express."

Rachel nodded, her hung over brown eyes open and full of love.

"Of course I do. I love you too."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

New York at night wasn't the safest place in the world. They said the odds of something bad happening to you weren't any different here than anyplace else. Statistically speaking. Quinn found that hard to believe. She'd always felt like she'd get mugged and killed stepping outside of Rachel's loft and heading to the subway.

The bridge was cold. So cold that she was glad that she'd brought her favorite sweater. The wind whipped through her sending a frosty chill through her body. A few feet and she'd be done with it all. The city had tried to make it hard to jump, building safeguards, railings and other things to keep people away from the danger zone. These weren't actual obstacles though. Her father had always said an obstacle was only an obstacle if you didn't want it bad enough.

She dug her cell out of her pocket and chucked it into the river. No turning back now. On the ride over Rachel had called. Several times. There wasn't much more to say. She'd killed her social media accounts on the subway too, it wasn't exactly a suicide note but it said something. It said effort. Planning. The cops would understand.

She watched her phone float off into the darkness and heard the faint splash as it broke the water barrier. A few moments and it would all be over. A few moments and her troubles would be behind her. Forever.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

The woman behind the desk smiled as if everything in the world was normal. Quinn smiled her own wide smile. Just say it. One time and she would be fine.

"What can I do for you young lady?"

"My name is Quinn. Quinn Fabray, and an hour ago I almost jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. I need help. There's something wrong with me. I can't control my emotions and I think I may have Multiple Personality Disorder."

The woman behind the desk didn't bat an eye. "But you didn't jump?"

Quinn looked herself up and down. "I guess not."

"Well, welcome to Bellevue. I'm glad you came. I'd like to say the hard part is over but that would be a lie. What I can say is that you're in a safe place. A healthy place and we're going to find out what's wrong with you and get you back on track. You did the right thing by coming."

Quinn nodded. She wanted to cry but she'd cried all her tears on the bridge. "I need it. Help I mean."

The woman stood up. "I know sweetheart. I know. Tell me your name again. And tell me if there is anybody you want me to call."

"Quinn Fabray. And no. I have nobody. I'm all alone."

"Not anymore sweetie. Not anymore."

**This chapter took forever. I know I said I was ending this story with this chapter but damnnit if I'm not a liar. Sorry about the slow upload. I try to upload pretty quickly but this chapter was harder than I envisioned. The switching of the perspectives was tricky, especially the Quinn portion where you actually see how all over the board she actually is. And Rachel is obviously not being honest with Quinn but I wanted to be honest with her reaction without totally cheating. So I had to show how what she's saying and doing can be misinterpreted as hate where actually it's love in disguise. Anyway blah, blah, blah, I have more story to tell. Not much, maybe an epilogue or something which will come quickly. So please forgive me and I hope you enjoyed it. **


	6. Chapter 6

Now: Love and Forgiveness-Quinn

Tanner was staring. Sitting at his desk with his stupid suede jacket with the elbow patches, staring at her while she downed her daily pills and washed them down with a glass of water. She didn't have time for this nonsense today. She had two surgeries this morning that were sure to run at least until five or six o'clock, if the patient was lucky and didn't die during the middle of the whole damn thing. She had rounds to do, charts to examine and interns to scream at. Chatting with Tanner was the last thing she had time for today.

"So," he finally said as if she had all the time in the world.

"So," she repeated, doing her best to mask her emotion.

"You spoke to Rachel yesterday? Did you tell her everything?"

Quinn had spoken to Rachel in length about the past, future forgiveness and her suicide attempt. Rachel had seemed to soften up but that damn doctor Zurich had come in and ruined it all. Then Rachel had tried to humiliate her by making fun of her.

She couldn't imagine how Rachel had found out she hadn't been dating but she knew. She knew and she'd thrown it in her face and made her look like an idiot. People had stared at her for the rest of the day, no doubt laughing behind her back.

"We spoke. I told her about the bridge but she didn't care."

Tanner frowned. "I find that hard to believe. She cares about you, no matter how angry she is."

What didn't this guy get? Rachel hated her, would always hate her.

"She hates me Dr. Tanner. She thinks I'm a loser."

His frown didn't shift. "Rachel cares Quinn. I'm going to say something that you won't believe but for the sake of your mental health I won't dance around it until you figure it out on your own."

"What?" The edge in her voice was obvious now.

"She still loves you. Not to say that she's still in love with you, I can't speak to that, but you still hold a place in her heart. A large place. You should talk to her today before she leaves. If you don't who knows when you'll get another chance."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Quinn glanced at her watch, 3:17pm. Not quite record time but smooth, sometimes the ball bounced your way. The patients both lived through the surgeries. Everything had gone okay, now all she needed was good reads on the brain and neurology scans later and she'd be cautiously optimistic.

She'd blocked out Tanner's psychobabble mumbo jumbo while she operated but the second she left the OR her mind shifted back to Rachel. Tanner claimed she still cared but Quinn found that hard to believe. She was so pissed, how could she care? After all this time even. After Quinn had admittedly ripped her heart out and stomped on it. No way she cared.

"Quinn. Quinn, I heard you accepted the fellowship in LA. That's great news, we can practically pick up where we left off."

Gail seemed stoked about starting her new job. Of course she would, she was going to be making a fat paycheck and if things went according to plan she would buy a house on the beach and meet a smart, good looking guy with washboard abs who would help her move on with her life. LA seemed the perfect place for a girl like Gail to find that. She was pretty with a good job and a healthy long term earning potential. Not to mention sunny, bright, happy and chipper. Very California.

"Yeah, I let them know last night."

Gail smiled her perfect smile. "Awesome. What sold you, I thought you were leaning towards New York? You love New York."

Quinn held no special loyalty or affection towards New York. She was only going because Rachel was there. But Beth would be in LA. Beth trumped Rachel.

"Beth asked me to go to LA."

Gail offered a quizzical look. "Beth your kid Beth?"

"She's not MY kid. I'm her birth mother but she already has a mom."

Gail looked as if she wanted to press for more but apparently decided against it. "Where you going to live? We'll finally be making some money so we can get nice places. We can room together for a year while we save up if you want."

"I'm good actually. Santana and Brittany are going to let me crash with them. They live in Beverly Hills. Besides Puck's there and I really need to make an appearance in my friends lives. Especially Puck."

"God I keep forgetting you know all those people." Her eyes lit up with naughty excitement. "You should hook up with that Puck guy. The older one I mean. I think you guys would be hot together. That is if you don't date women exclusively."

Quinn laughed. She didn't date anyone exclusively. She didn't consider herself a lesbian because Rachel was the only girl she'd ever dated. She couldn't say for sure that she was straight because she'd never felt a spark with a boy like she had with Rachel Berry. "Me, hook up with Puck? The last time we slept together he got me pregnant. I can't get in a hot tub to this day because of that horny jack ass."

Gail's mouth opened wide. "HE'S Beth's father?"

Quinn nodded. "Yep. Noah Puckerman took my virginity, got me pregnant and nearly ruined my life all in one fell swoop. The closest he's ever getting to my sex organs is foggy high school memories."

"So you're a full time lesbian? I mean not that I'm gonna be weird or anything. I knew you swung that way but you've been evasive. You never talk about dates and stuff. No matter how much I dish you don't share. I'm just surprised you've never opened up to me." Gail sounded like she was being genuine but Quinn had realized years ago that sometimes things like sarcasm was lost on her. She understood that things were supposed to be funny she just wasn't sure WHY. Tanner said that was normal for someone with her condition although he offered no explanation past that. His advice, change the subject. That was the first time she realized the guy was likely full of crap.

Quinn offered a playful smile. "Really? You're really surprised? Because I've told you so much about myself over the past seven years right?"

"I just thought that maybe you were private. Or maybe you were in the witness protection program or something. Hey I'm not one to press anybody on the details. It's just most people who know movie stars and tabloid stars and hunky pool guys who play guitar brag about it. It's weird that you didn't."

"Well they aren't famous to me. I can't explain it. These are girls I've known since I was fourteen. They're family to me. Watching that reality show is entertainment to you but it's home to me. It's like getting to hang out with my friends for a while. Most of the time, back home I mean, I was a fly on the wall anyway. All this crazy stuff was going on around me and I was sort of just watching on the sidelines. It didn't really occur to me that they were all famous. Of course Santana and Brittany are on TV and Rachel is in the movies but if you know Rachel that wouldn't seem like a surprise."

"So why did you break up?"

"I know we're supposed to be sharing but can we ease into it a bit. I told you a little bit now, maybe in another seven years I'll tell you some more. By the time we're old ladies you'll know the whole story."

Gail jumped up and down excitedly. "Really, only seven years. I'll start marking down the calendar."

Quinn leaned playfully against the nurse stand. "You do that. I should go say goodbye. She's heading back to the set to finish her scenes for the movie then she's heading home. I should go see her before she leaves. We sort of got on the right foot finally and I don't want to leave it that way."

Gail's smile faded. "You missed her. She checked out while you were in surgery. That Dr. Chang was looking for you but she couldn't wait. Rachel Berry was yelling at her and she had to leave."

The words stung her chest like an ice pick to the heart. Gone. She was gone already. "That sucks."

Gail shrugged diplomatically. "Go down to her movie set and see her."

Quinn laughed. "Yeah because that's totally an option. Excuse me big shot movie director let me on set so I can say hello to a girl I went to high school with and haven't been friends with in ten years."

Gail laughed. "Well if you put it that way it just sounds silly."

* * *

Now: Big Shot-Rachel

"Cut. Print that. That was great Rachel, I need to check the gate but I think you're done for the day."

Rachel shook her hands, mentally shaking off her lowbrow dockworker character for the day. She had to hang around for another half hour or so until she got the okay to ditch her wardrobe and head back to her hotel but this director was usually spot on. If he said she was likely done for the day, she was. Being a movie star wasn't much fun. It was cool, she realized how lucky she was, but the cons definitely out weighed the pros. She hadn't gone anywhere in the past five years without somebody asking for an autograph or wanting a picture. It wasn't fun, then again she'd never actually wanted to be a movie star. She'd wanted to be a Broadway star. If fate was kind enough to throw in the occasional movie then so be it but she'd never actually envisioned herself a film star.

She plastered a polite smile on her face and hustled off to her trailer for a bit of privacy. A stroke of generosity sprang when her phone rang and gave her an excuse to disappear into herself once again. She'd spent the better part of the past five years pretending to be someone else, hiding her feelings and true emotions. When she was working she was restless. Confused even.

"Rachel Berry," she said after her on-set assistant handed her the cell.

"Berry it's Santana," Rachel wasn't sure when she'd become friends with Santana. After she'd emerged newly sober from rehab it was Santana who came by her apartment once a day to check on her. Sometimes Brittany tagged along, but usually it was just Santana. It was her forceful threats of ass kickings that got her out of bed and back into the world. They didn't speak about Quinn, they didn't have to. Santana knew Rachel was heartbroken and despite her flair for insensitivity she never pressed the issue. She was kind, polite, and a strong shoulder to cry on. An excellent friend in a time of need. Actually the last thing Rachel would have expected from the fiery Latina.

"Hey, what's up?" Rachel asked.

"We're going to dinner with Q tonight I want you to come."

The world seemed to stop. The noise of the movie set faded. The sound of her boots clacking against the pavement began to muffle. Dinner. With Quinn?

"Santana, I don't know."

"Rachel don't be this way. You're past this right? You met Cha-Cha, you guys are moving in together. Spending an evening with Quinn will be good for you."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Santana had immediately labeled Ceci, Cha-Cha when she'd noticed the small resemblance to Annette Charles, the actress who portrayed Cha Cha DiGregorio in the classic film grease. In Santana's opinion Rachel had chosen to date a woman so far away from Quinn that it was almost sad and pathetic. Rachel didn't bother letting her feelings get hurt. Santana only teased, and poked, and prodded when she cared. And deep down Rachel knew she was right. She hadn't dated a blonde since Quinn had broken her heart all those years ago.

"I don't think so."

Santana sighed. "Come on Berry, what are you going to do if you don't come, sit around and watch Leno?"

"I have an early call time in the morning. They rescheduled the whole shoot for my emergency appendectomy and now I need to be a team player to keep the film on budget. I can't be late."

"God Berry I'm not asking you to go home with her, just meet us for dinner. It'll be therapeutic, doesn't your therapist think you should move on? What does Tina think? Rachel almost scoffed at the mention of Tina. Tina hadn't thought much of anything and Rachel wouldn't care if she did. Tina had terrible judgment. Rachel had recently had to pay off thousands of dollars of the woman's Las Vegas gambling debts to keep a big guy with a goatee from breaking her ankles.

"Tina's opinion doesn't matter. She still owes me a hundred grand, she won't disagree with me."

Santana let out an annoyed breath. "I would have let those Vegas thugs break her legs. It would serve her right the moron. Speaking of her she's heading back to Lima in a few weeks and a bunch of us are flying out and are going to stage an intervention."

Rachel wanted to sigh. She'd tried for years to get Tina into Gamblers Anonymous but she refused to go. Still Tina was family, she had to show up.

"Tell me when and I'll go home for it. It'll be good to visit my dads, sleep in my old bed."

"Oh, we'll go to Breadstix," Santana said excited. "That will be cool. It'll blow everybody's mind."

Rachel smiled. "Deal."

"So you in or out?"

"I just said I was in."

"Tonight. Dinner I mean?"

"Out," Rachel said. "I'm tired. My stomach is sore, I need to lay down."

"Fine, I'll call you about Lima," Santana said annoyed and not bothering to hide it.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"It's healing nicely. Very nicely. How's your pain?" Tina had been fussing over her all morning. She'd been out of the hospital for days and now that she was back on the movie set her life had gone back to normal. Yet life was anything but normal.

"I'm fine. My pain's fine, thank you Tina."

Tina had been lingering. Usually she took the day off while Rachel was on set. She spent most of her days sightseeing, going to the movies, visiting museums, anything to keep herself busy. Since Rachel had been discharged she'd been glued to her hip.

"Dinner was fun."

"What dinner?" Rachel asked doing her best to play dumb.

"The dinner with Quinn."

That dinner. Santana hadn't mentioned the dinner again and since her and Brittany had taken their circus act back to LA she hadn't seen Quinn. It was strange having her close by but so far away. For a year her world had revolved around Quinn. Then Quinn was gone, abruptly and permanently. Now she was back. And she would stay back now. She was moving to LA for work and moving in with Santana and Brittany for a while. It was surreal.

"How was Beth with," she trailed off. "You know."

Tina shrugged. "She's fine. You know Beth, she has that thing Quinn has. The ability to take care of herself and thrive no matter how hard things get. Quinn was more freaked out than Beth was." Tina crossed her legs and took a sip out of a water bottle. "She's not the same. I mean she pretends like she is but she isn't. It's weird because it's almost like she doesn't have that chip on her shoulder that she had when we were kids. And that's odd because Surgeons are notorious ego maniacs."

Rachel knew why that was. Quinn's condition. She'd read numerous articles on it since Quinn had shared it with her. Borderline Personality Disorder. It explained everything. All those strange little quirks the girl had back then. The erratic behavior, the feeling that she was sometimes two different people. Moody and sad one minute and crazy and outgoing another. It eased the pain of the Sandra betrayal a thousand fold. She was having an episode. Right under her nose and she'd been too drunk to notice it. She often found herself wondering how long it had been out of control right under her nose without her seeing any signs of trouble. She didn't blame Quinn for leaving. Quinn was right, if she had stayed she likely would have succeeded in a future suicide attempt.

"She's fine." Rachel said coolly. Quinn hadn't shared her condition with anyone but Rachel it seemed. Rachel had probed Santana about it a little and the woman was absolutely clueless. Tina clearly didn't know anything, not that she expected her to. Quinn had never much cared for Tina. She'd never really explained why but she hadn't tried to hide it either.

"I'm sure she is." Tina shook her head with disbelief. "God I can't believe she's a Neurosurgeon. It's crazy. Not a lot of women actually become neurosurgeons and to hear she's going to be a spine fellow. She must be proud."

Quinn hadn't talked much about her work. They'd spent most of their time fighting about things that were now ancient history. Rachel had been hard on Quinn but how could she not be? She was hurt. She'd been crushed and had never fully healed from the rejection. When she saw Quinn in her cute white lab coat looking all Grey's Anatomy she couldn't help herself. It hurt to see that she'd not only escaped the craziness that was their relationship but she'd thrived.

"She's good at her job. She's in a good place." Rachel said not knowing what else to say.

"She's going to be world famous. With her face and her credentials she's going to be huge in LA. Santana talked her into signing the release for the show. Once it hit's the air she'll be the next Dr. OZ."

That didn't sound at all like what Quinn wanted. She wanted to make a difference. To help people like she'd been helped after her accident. She spoke glowingly about her neurologist back in high school. Dr. Miller this, and Dr. Miller that. Fame is likely the last thing on her mind.

"I doubt she'd be interested in that."

Tina shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I pulled up her journal articles online a few days ago. She's brilliant."

"What journal article? She's a writer too?"

Tina smirked. "No, it's a doctor thing. Scholarly journals. Most doctors get published in professional journals. It's something we all do to show how smart we are. Quinn has a MD and a PH.D, she wrote one article that blew everyone away. It's why everybody wanted to hire her. And now with the TV show and the pop culture celebrity it'll bring her, she's going to be a big deal." Tina nodded diplomatically. "Not that she already isn't in the medical community."

This was all new to Rachel. Scholarly journals? Why hadn't Tina mentioned any of this before. "Did you ever write any of these things?"

Tina's shrugged suddenly a bit embarrassed. "I wrote a few but they weren't good enough to get published."

Probably because she spent so much time at the casinos in Vegas. If there was a journal about how to beat the odds at blackjack Tina would surely be published. Rachel chuckled inside. Probably not though, seeing as how she'd had to put a second mortgage on her house to pay off the debt from her last visit to Atlantic City, then not two months later she'd lost another hundred grand which she couldn't pay back.

"I'm heading home after we wrap up this movie. Back to Lima I mean. You interested in seeing your folks?"

Tina rolled her eyes but nodded bravely. Tina's parents were extremely proud of the fact that she was a doctor. What they didn't understand however was why she spent her career as Rachel's personal assistant/physician instead of opening up her own practice. Tina had never mentioned her gambling to them and was too ashamed to admit that she was working as Rachel's indentured servant until she paid back all the money she owed her. Rachel knew there was a half a dozen times her friend wanted to quit but common sense and broken ankles kept her from making any snap decisions.

"Sure we can head home."

Rachel nodded. She'd been dancing around Tina's problem for the better part of a year now. She couldn't do that anymore. Quinn was right. She needed to tackle her problems head on. She wasn't being realistic. It would be painful and Tina may hate her, but in the long run she would be better off.

Something ached in her chest. Quinn had told her the same thing and she'd called bullshit. She'd said that being together back then was bad for them both and that they both were better people because they'd moved on with their lives and took care of their problems. Rachel may not have LOVED being a movie star but there was worse things she could be doing with her life. Plus it allowed her the luxury of helping her friends.

Artie had cast her in a small Indie film when she was struggling to find work and it won her an Oscar and from there world acclaim. She made movies and made money and bought nice things. A penthouse in New York, a mansion in Bel Air. She bought her dads a vacation home in Hawaii since neither wanted to move away from Lima. She had pushed the network to air Santana and Brittany's reality show and as an Executive producer was making tons of money in royalties. She'd hired Noah as a studio musician when she'd recorded her album and he'd been able to parlay that into other studio gigs. Things weren't all bad. Quinn was right, they'd both been better off.

"Great. Set that up. And call Santana and Brittany. They were talking about going home soon see if they want to come." Tina nodded, oblivious to the reality that this trip wasn't just about seeing her dads. It was about her family. Tina included.

* * *

Soon: Amends-Quinn

It had been a decade since Quinn had been back to Lima. Over a decade actually but the place hadn't changed. Her street was still the same. Mrs. Kelly's lawn gnomes still sat protectively in front of her rose bushes. Mr. Deeks still wasn't mowing his lawn. It was almost like being seventeen again.

A black BMW sat parked in the driveway to her mother's house, the license plate lined with pink neon proudly displaying vanity plates. Beth C1.

Beth was here. She'd told Quinn she spent time with her mother but she'd brushed it off as a polite half truth. She didn't actually think the girl stopped by on a regular basis and spent time with a woman who was only technically her grandmother.

She glared at the expensive car, much too expensive for a high school student. She knew it had to be Rachel's doing. Only Rachel would think something like this was appropriate for a girl who hadn't seen much of the world. She peered inside as she walked by and despite the haphazard parking job in her mother's driveway the car was otherwise pristine. She was at least taking good care of it.

Quinn took a deep breath as she stepped on the porch and behind the heavy wooden door she'd ignored for so many years she heard laughter. Fun, happy, careless laughter. Her mother's laughter.

"Grams!" Quinn heard Beth yell playfully.

"Hey I never promised you life was fair," her mother said playfully. Quinn found herself smiling. The relationship was intimate. Happy. They knew one another well and despite only technically being related they were still blood. They were still family.

Quinn rang the bell. She'd dug her old house key out of an old box back in Pittsburgh but wasn't sure if using it would be appropriate. She was sure her mother probably hadn't changed the locks but it was likely the sort of thing she'd lost the right to do when she'd run off.

"I got it Grams."

Quinn waited patiently as Beth made her way to the door and yanked it open without so much as asking who it was. Her eyes widened when she did, her face and hair were covered in flour, her mouth hanging open.

"Hey," she said slowly.

"You don't ask who it is before you open the door? What if I was a serial killer Beth?" Quinn asked. Her protective instincts always kicked in around the girl. It was strange, it was like her mother instincts that had been dormant for almost eighteen years were suddenly back on line.

"What are you doing here?" Beth asked ignoring the question.

"Your aunt Santana convinced me that it was time I came to see my mother. I wanted to see you too but I wasn't going to just pop up at your house. I didn't think that would be okay but I was sure mom had your number. I thought the three of us could go to lunch or something."

Beth only stared quietly.

"Beth who's at the door?"

Beth glanced over her shoulder nervously. "Grams. Grams I want you to sit down for a second. I have a surprise for you." Beth leaned into Quinn and whispered. "She has a pacemaker. Irregular heart beat."

"Why, who's at the door?"

"Grams you have to sit down," Beth yelled back. The excitement in her voice was noticeable. As Quinn fully expected, her mother came around the corner to investigate.

It had been years since they'd seen one another but her mother still looked like her mother. The edges of her blonde hair had gone grey and there were hints of wrinkles around her eyes but Quinn couldn't forget the face.

"Quinnie. Quinnie, oh my God is that you?"

Quinn didn't answer, she wrapped her arms around her mother and embraced her in a tight hug.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The sounds of Journey blared through the April Rhodes Auditorium and Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes. Journey? Still? Mr. Schue clearly hadn't changed a bit. When she stepped through the doors and took a slow walk down the isles she saw the vest.

"Journey? Really Mr. Schue? Journey was lame years ago when we did it." Quinn teased.

Mr. Schue's jelled head whipped around lightning quick, his eyes as big as saucers. He stared quietly for a half a second before running down the isle and wrapping her in a gigantic hug.

"Quinn. Quinn Fabray. I thought you were dead."

She smiled. "I get that a lot."

In the distance someone else shrieked. A woman. Quinn turned in the direction of the noise and saw a very pregnant Ms. Pillsbury rolling out of her seat.

"Ms. Pillsbury?"

Ms. Pillsbury made it to her feet and waddled over slowly before wrapping her arms around Quinn's neck in a sideways hug. Besides the belly she didn't look like she'd changed at all. The curls in Mr. Schue's moosed up hair were peppered with grey but Emma's hair was as red as Quinn remembered it.

"It's Mrs. Schuester now Quinn and you can call me Emma. You're not in high school anymore."

The thought of calling her Emma was strange. She was Ms. Pillsbury, she'd always be Ms. Pillsbury. The fact that she was the age now Ms Pillsbury was back then didn't seem to matter.

"Everybody take five," Mr. Schue said ,excitement palpable in his voice. He walked over to her a smile on his face reminding Quinn of all the good times she'd had here. Mr. Schue had given her so much in her time with the Glee club. Family, friends, memories and confidence that with hard work anything was possible.

"It's good to see you guys again."

"God it's good to see you. We thought you were dead. If you're not what have you been up to for all this time? Where have you been?"

"I went to medical school. I moved to Pittsburgh. I'm a surgeon now."

Emma's eyes lit up. "You're a doctor?"

"A neurosurgeon."

Mr. Schue's eyebrows arched. His perfectly maintained hair stiff on his head. "A brain surgeon. Wow. Good for you."

"Thanks. I was wondering if I could hang out for a while. It's been years since I've been here and this is the only place I've ever really felt like I fit in. Right here, in the auditorium. With the Glee club."

Will smiled. "Absolutely. When's the last time you sang? Why don't you sing a song?"

She wanted to roll her eyes but she knew he was right. She needed to sing. To let her voice do the work for once. It was a better idea than getting high or drunk anyway. Besides nostalgia was it's own reward sometimes.

* * *

Soon: Forgiveness-Rachel

Rachel smiled when she saw Quinn on stage singing. It had been years since she heard her sing and in typical Quinn fashion she was singing old school Motown. The Supremes, You can't hurry love. It flooded her with memories of much simpler days. Days when her biggest worry was making it to Nationals and getting into NYADA. That felt so long ago. A lifetime.

She hadn't expected to find Quinn back in Lima but nothing surprised her these days. Santana had commandeered planning of the trip home and that meant any number of scenario's were in play. Actually seeing Quinn here seemed to make all the sense in the world. Quinn being in Lima was clearly Santana's doing but it was a nice surprise none the less.

Rachel watched from the back of the auditorium while Quinn found herself on stage. It was nice to her back in her old element. For the first time since graduation the Quinn she'd feared, admired, and secretly loved had returned. She stood quietly letting her bask in her moment and enjoyed the show.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I got ten years on most of you AND I'm wearing heels and I can outrun every single one of you. Coach Sylvester doesn't waste her time on girls with no potential, if you're a loser it's because you want to be. I'm a lesbian Latina from Ohio who was outed on National TV and Coach Sylvester still turned me into a winner. If you want to be a winner dig down deep and learn to win. One lap at a time."

It wasn't much for a pep talk but Rachel knew that Santana's mere presence was enough to motivate most of the girls into working that much harder. Instead of giving in to Santana's hard line approach Rachel tried another tactic.

"Or you can join the Glee club," Rachel blurted out causing every head on the field to turn to face her. The cheerleaders started to whisper amongst themselves. Beth and Honey were front and center, Co-captains of the Cheerio's. She knew both girls had joined the Glee Club but wasn't sure why they weren't at practice. Some sort of power play by Coach Sylvester no doubt.

Coach Sylvester looked exactly the same. Nothing had changed on the Cheerio's coach. It was almost as if she were a vampire or something. Ageless, cold hearted and dead inside. She spotted Rachel standing on the running track and smiled. Not her usual evil smile but a smile of playful antagonism.

"Show of hands. Anybody who thinks they have more talent than International movie star and recording artist Rachel Berry raise your hands."

None of the Cheerio's raised their hands. Santana and Brittany raised theirs but nobody else. Santana's eyes scanned the crowd then she shook her head.

"Losers, all of you. If even you don't think you're winners than you must be losers."

"Laps ten of them," Coach Sylvester said with a smirk that was more amusement than anger. "Get moving!"

Santana strutted over to Rachel, her face betraying a calm sense of satisfaction. "You made it."

"I did. And I saw Quinn inside."

Coach Sylvester's eyes widened. "Q's here?"

"In the auditorium," Rachel said as she jabbed her thumb at the building.

"Lopez could you watch them for me?"

Santana nodded proudly. "My pleasure Coach."

Coach Sylvester began to walk towards the building but on the way she took a moment to give Rachel a little verbal jab. "Julia Roberts won HER Oscar WITHOUT taking her top off."

"Rachel's got nice boobs," Brittany said confidently.

Santana snickered but Coach Sylvester was already gone. Rachel would never get used to having half the world seeing her breasts. Her dads had covered their eyes and claimed her nude scene ruined the movie for them. They were on the short list, most people enjoyed it.

"Beautiful breasts," Rachel said proudly.

"Are we going to talk about your tits all day? If so I need to see them Berry."

Rachel put a protective arm across her chest. "I'm not showing you my breasts Santana. Buy the DVD."

"Already got it sweetheart. Already got it. Now did you see Quinn inside. What did she say?"

"I didn't speak to her. She was singing The Supremes."

Brittany's eyes widened. "I want to sing too," she said as she ran towards the building. Rachel watched her go and wished she still had the love of music that would send her running into a high school in the middle of the day to sing fifty year old songs with kids she didn't know.

"So are you going to go to her or do I have to manufacture a way to get her to your house and naked in your bed?" Santana had seemingly had enough of scheming.

"It's not that easy Santana."

"Sure it is Berry. Go tell her that you forgive her and that you love her. That you've always loved her and then you two have a roll in the hay for old times sakes and you move on with your lives."

"Are you kidding?"

"No. Go tell her that you love her already. We still have Tina's intervention tonight I can't hold your hand through this. Rachel you love Quinn, go tell her and move on. Look I don't expect you to hop into bed with her but it's time you forgave her and moved on with your life. You've been leading Cha-Cha along for weeks now. It's cruel."

"Maybe."

"No maybes, talk to her. Go talk to her an see what she's up to and put this thing to bed once and for all. I know how you feel about her. She feels the same way and either you guys go for it or you move on. Lifes too short to hate her forever."

That was true and despite the pep talk Rachel had long since made up her mind to accept Quinn's apology. The hatred in her heart had long since disappered but it hadn't left her empty. The love she'd been pushing down was still there and it was bubbling to the surface.

"I'll talk to her but we aren't getting back together."

Santana laughed. "Who said anything about you guys getting back together?"

Nobody apparently.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Tina was teary eyed and crying but she had listened. Apparently having all her friends together, old and new, including her parents who looked more concerned than embarrassed, was enough to get through to her. She'd admitted she had a problem, the first positive step. Now she had to go about the tedious process of banning herself from the Las Vegas Casinos so she wouldn't be allowed to gamble anymore. Then she could hit Gamblers Anonymous.

Rachel stepped outside and took in a lung full of fresh air and waited for Quinn to make her exit. She'd sat quietly through the whole ordeal, not sure why she was invited but not mean enough to say anything out of line. Surely the old Quinn was gone, the old high and drunk Quinn would have surely talked Tina out of feeling the shame over behavior and taken her to a Casino.

She was visibly different now. That much was obvious in the light of day. She was cautious, chose her words carefully and more than a bit shy. It made Rachel wonder how much of her behavior in high school was mandated by her condition. She'd watched her figit with the button on her sweater while the people in the room spoke candidly about the problems Tina's drinking had caused them. When her turn came she simply said that everybody here cared about Tina and wanted to see her get better and that needing help was nothing to be ashamed of. A generic sounding statement to most of the room she was sure but Rachel knew better. It was a veiled reference to her own troubles.

"What are you doing out here?" She heard over her shoulder. Quinn had snuck up on her.

"Waiting for you actually."

Rachel turned to look at her in time to see her face morph into one of tension and worry. She clearly didn't want to fight. Not now or any other time it seemed.

"Rachel," she began slowly.

"Shut up and let me speak. I forgive you. I understand why you left and I forgive you. I'll always feel you could have handled it better but from this day forward I want to put it behind us. I want to help you."

Quinn's eyes shortened into little slits. "Help me do what?"

"Transition. I want to help you transition home."

"I don't know. I already killed your goose once."

Rachel sighed. "I don't have a goose. What the hell are you talking about?"

Quinn began to laugh, not a hearty purposeful laugh but a light chuckle. The sort of laugh that was more personal embarrassment than humor.

"It's a metaphor. You were always purposeful and steady and then I came into your life and I broke you. What happened to you is MY fault and I don't want to do it again. To you or to anybody else."

Such a sad state of affairs. She was blaming herself, all these years. And here Rachel thought she'd gotten off scott-free. Instead she was carrying around the guilt of all of Rachel's failings, not to mention her own.

"I'm a grown up Quinn. I made my decisions. It wasn't your fault, not completely. I made my own path and I could have said no." She shrugged thoughtfully. "Look at the other girls you've dated. You didn't break them did you?" Quinn's face turned red and something in Rachel's gut began to roll. All this time please say she's been dating.

"You have been dating haven't you?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to seem as if the truth wasn't this crazy thing she didn't want to share. "I didn't think I was ready. Dr. Tanner said it may be time but I didn't want to push myself. Besides work kept me pretty busy. I didn't have time for anything serious."

Rachel was flabbergasted. How could this beautiful creature not have someone special in her life? She was a goddess. A perfect specimen of the female form. If girls weren't asking her out, she thought better of it. No, girls certainly were asking her out. She'd seen it first hand with Dr. Flirty Pants back in Pittsburgh.

"You're beautiful Quinn. You don't want to spend the rest of your life alone do you?"

She shook her head. "It's not that. It's just Dr. Tanner thought."

"Stop quoting that Quack like he's Sigmond Freud. He's got to be the world's worst Psychiatrist. When we get to LA we'll find you a really good doctor. Somebody who actually listens to what people says."

"Rachel I'm," she started to say.

"You're what? Not sure we should be friends? Of course we should. We've got history. A long complicated toxic history but it's history right? Let's committ to being friends and move on. Besides I'm the only one who knows about your condition so it's my job to look after you now. And I won't be comfortable until I'm sure you're in good hands. So stop trying to talk me out of it and let's go grab something to eat. We can talk about your plans and expectations. I learned some stuff in rehab that I think may help you."

Quinn looked uncomfortable but she didn't argue. "Okay."

"Great now let's go. We'll go grab some food, chat, and call it a night. In the morning we'll meet up with Brittany and Santana and we'll make arrangements for your move to LA. From now on don't worry about the details. You just worry about saving lives Dr. Fabray, and I'll take care of the rest."

Quinn finally smiled, relenting to Rachel's domineering personality. "Thank you Rachel. For being all Rachel on me. I need it, you don't know how much I need an anchor."

Rachel didn't know what the hell Quinn was talking about but she nodded. "You're welcome, now let's go."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rachel opened her eyes and scanned the room for something familiar. A framed Barbara poster hung on the wall, a momento of high school and an obsession that had been her life back then. Pink walls, lace, and a shelf full of trophies. Her dad's hadn't changed a thing. Wouldn't change a thing. It was their way of offering inspiration. Whenever she began to complain too loudly about her life they'd snap a photo of her old high school bedroom and send it to her. This is how long you've wanted this, they'd text. Your whole life. Deal!

It was more than a bit annoying but it was completely true. Her complaints were miniscule compared to what she'd gotten. Fame, adoration, fortune. It was a hard trade off but it was okay. It wasn't that bad. Especially here in Lima. People adored her here in Lima. When she'd showed up at Breadstix with Quinn the place had literally gone mad. She'd almost been mobbed. Quinn had to go all Quinn to keep the people at bay.

Something shifted on the bed beside her and her heart jumped to her throat. She wasn't alone. A soft moan killed the peace and quiet. Rachel's heart began to pound and she felt the awkward yet comfortably familiar feeling of release in her body. Total relaxation and peace. She stuck her head under the blanket and was quickly horrified. Stark naked.

She glanced at the sleeping body beside her and saw the familiar blonde hair. She knew who it was by the way she felt. Only one person had ever made her feel this way. It had been years but she would never forget that feeling Quinn had given her.

She peeked under the blanket and saw Quinn's beautiful but naked backside. Naked as a Jay-bird.

"Jesus Christ Rachel what did you do?" She asked herself. She replayed the night in her head. She hadn't done this in forever. Not since her and Quinn were drinking all night and smoking weed all day. That was the only time in her life when her emotions and hormones controlled her. When they were fueled by alcohol and lust. She'd killed that part of her brain when she'd gone to rehab.

"This is bad."

Quinn moaned. "What's wrong?" she grumbled from her side of the bed.

Rachel shook her head. "Nothing. Everything. Your dirty whore is back."

**First off sorry for the slow upload. It's just I got distracted with a Lost Girl Marathon on NetFlix, then I started watching Leverage on Amazon online. I'm easily distracted, my apologies. Anyway this story ends weird because in the world I created for the characters I think the last thing they should be is together. BUT that doesn't mean they won't be. Rachel hops back into bed with Quinn and we get a glimpse into her pscyhe. We're led to believe her behavior is motivated by alcohol and weed also but it's not. It's motivated by an animalistic attraction to Quinn that she can't ignore. And I believe in that. I was in a relationship once where I just couldn't say no. About anything. Money, sure? A ride in the middle of the night? Absolutely. Sometimes your body and hormones have a mind of their own. Anyway hope you enjoyed this twisted little tale. And I'm working on something a bit more normal and healthy for the future. Then again what fun is that? **

**EmptyPen09**


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